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*Faceplant* social media posts you’ll see between now and Christmas

It’s that time of year again when everyone and everything you follow on Facebook and Instagram seems hell-bent on transforming you into a sour Scrooge. Of course, you could just unfollow them. You know who the culprits are by now, so you’re one click away from keeping your temper. But where’s the fun in that? Christmas isn’t Christmas without hating on someone’s digital avatar. To steel your nerves, we’ve compiled a comprehensive list of all the irritating posts you’ll see between now and Christmas Day…

The ‘too many parties’ post

I’ll let you in on a universal secret: nobody is going to as many Christmas parties as the magazines, adverts and internet would have you believe. No, not even Charlene. Like the Emperor’s new party outfit, we conspire in this myth that everyone is back-to-back Christmas bashes from now until Christmas Eve when in truth most of us have a handful of events, mostly with family. Charlene is the worst perpetrator of this myth, posting selfie after selfie of herself, surrounded by huge groups of people, for you to stare at over some leftover pizza. Don’t be fooled: Charlene hasn’t got any more parties than you do. She’s just maximising her social media return on the few she does have by telling Instagram about them. Endlessly.

The festive bakes post

There are very few festive treats you can bake that a bakery can’t bake better – so those peeps showing off their flawless gingerbread, giving you the impression that you’ll never ‘qualify’ in the kitchen can do one. Sure, we all like looking at food photos, and if you’ve knocked your mince pies out the park, by all means share them – but please think before you caption it with a blatant #humblebrag.

The Instathankyou

WHY. Why does ANYONE feel the need to publicly thank their boyfriend or girlfriend for their mug/necklace/bike (delete as appropriate)? It’s as close as you can get to saying LOOK HOW MUCH MY PARTNER LOVES ME without being socially unacceptable. It’s not a competition. Your partner is, I assume, either with you or a Whatsapp away if you’re opening it without them. Thank them instead.

The happy families post

Look. You might have the perfect 2.4 fam who get along like a house on fire, but some of us have a sliiiiightly more complicated home life. Delighted as we are that you’re making merry with mum and dad, a smiling set of siblings and both sets of grandparents, those of us whose Christmases involve simmering silences, outright arguments, burnt sprouts and endless car journeys between estranged relatives don’t particularly want it in our faces when we turn to our phones for some much-needed escape.

The blow-by-blow Christmas updates

You know the ones. It’s like every year Christmas is a newborn baby, and they are the proud parents remarking on every single step of the process. ‘Day one of advent calendar!’ they’ll write (interesting only if they’re in a different time zone – and even then, only very briefly) ‘Presents DONE!’ they’ll declare (from the same person, on the same early day in December, every year). ‘Feeling festive while writing Christmas cards’ they’ll ho ho ho, forcing their own mother to contemplate hitting the ‘unfollow’ tab.

Then there are the Scrooge posts (ahem)

…because despite my humbugging above, it’s the most wonderful time of year.

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Image: Mean Girls

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