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23 thoughts you have when you cut your ankle in the shower

Every. Single. Time. RIP, best white towel.

1. I really cba to shower.

2. Fine I’ll shower.

3. I am never leaving the shower. I am at one with the water.

4. Where’s my shaver?

5. Over the other side of the bathroom. Of course it is.

*gingerly gets out of shower and leans to grab razor, nearly slipping and making the bath sound like it’s farting, you know the one*

6. La, la, la, this is easy, I can barely feel the blade on my legs.

7. Why are the hairs under my arm so much thicker?

8. What is the meaning of life? Why are we here? What am I doing on this planet..?

9. I love showers.

*looks down *

10. GOOD GOD.

11. Where did all this blood come from?! Who’s the culprit? SHOW YOURSELF.

12. Oh, my ankle, obviously. Not my uterus. Ankle.

13. That cut is TINY. I didn’t even FEEL IT.

14. I didn’t know there was so much blood in my ankle, isn’t it just bone?

15. This is ridiculous. Stop bleeding.

16. I’m never shaving my ankles again. They weren’t even hairy. I just like the thrill.

17. WHY ARE YOU STILL BLEEDING.

“Muuuuuuuuum…”

18. I’m going to be trapped here forever.

“MUUUUUUUUUUUUM…”

19. I’m bleeding out, aren’t I? I’m dying.

“MUUUUU- can I have a plaster, please? And can you pass me some towels? And get me some spinach, I need my iron levels back up.”

20. This plaster won’t stick, my skin’s wet.

21. Sorry Mum, I need to sacrifice this new white towel. RIP white towel, 2017-2017.

22. I can’t wait for cut to scab over. Picky pick pick.

*gets out and dries*

23. FFS I FORGOT TO SHAVE MY KNEES.

@louisejonesetc

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