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Every ridiculous thought we’ve ever had on a period

Don’t say you haven’t thought the same! No seriously, shh.

“There is nothing as satisfying as perfectly wrapping up your used pad in the wrapper from the new one. Look at that! I’m an artist.”

“ATCHOO! Was that a sneeze or… pants Niagra?”

“One of these days I’m going to leak so bad that I owe someone a new sofa.”

“Uber, but for a robot to come and change your tampon so you don’t have to get out of bed on a Saturday morning.”

“If I tense my muscles and try really hard, could I, like… speed up my uterus? Get it all out a bit quicker?

“If I had the choice, would I rather have all my year’s period in one go?”

“Or even… my whole LIFE’s period. In one go. Imagine! You could go away to a special place to get it all over with, somewhere nice with loads of pillows and hot water bottles and warm baths. A period spa.”

“Actually a period spa is a fantastic idea. All the towels and dressing gowns could be red! One of the treatments could just be a beauty therapist patting your head for an hour and saying “there there” while you whimper.”

“Do you think women who do bell ringing in churches are extra good at getting their tampons out?”

“What if other girls are taking their bags to the toilet for some other cool reason I don’t know about?”

“Do Americans call full stops ‘periods’ because they make everything feel like it’s the end?”

“Why has nobody invented a bra made from something softer for when your boobs hurt? Like… I don’t know, feathers? Marshmallows?”

“Mmm, marshmallows.”

“Would it actually be easier to just sit here on the loo for five days? I could have pizza Deliverooed to the toilet!”

“There we go, another business idea. A period delivery app, that just does cookie dough and chip butties and all the orders come with a pre-filled hot water bottle.”

“I wonder what a cramp looks like inside. Is it like, a whole load of my uterus wall just falling away like a waterfall?”

“Do periods make a noise? If I listened really carefully would I be able to hear it, like a stomach rumble?”

“Shhhh…”

“….”

“No.”

@laurenbravo

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