Because until Unicode releases a pad emoji, we’re going to have to improvise…
Crystal ball, crystal ball, when will my fallopian tubes release an egg and fall? The calendar says I’m definitely due, but when will it happen? It’s up to you!
Hnnnngh. I’m bloated, I’m farty, and my makeup keeps sliding off of my face. I am going about life with the grace of an elderly widow who hits dogs with her walking stick for fun.
It is eight in the morning and I am crying at that Gumtree advert where the man buys his daughter a piano.
Oh, god. There’s a sudden warm, damp feeling in my knickers, and it’s definitely not wee. At least, I hope it’s not wee.
Please don’t be wee.
Ok, while I AM relieved that I haven’t wee’d myself in the middle of class, I do have my period, and I somehow don’t have a tampon or a pad. WHY does this always happen to me? I’m practically tripping over tampons 90% of the time, and now I actually need one, they are nowhere to be found.
There is so much blood in my life right now that I feel like I’ve just performed a pagan slaughter. I change my pad, and ten seconds later, I’m changing it again. I am the red troll, and should be sent to live in a cave where I can just bleed and bleed forever.
I don’t know if it’s true that women’s period cycles are linked to the moon, but I feel very attuned to nature now. It is possible that I am maybe a witch.
You know how most people have a bit of bread with their soup? Is it possible to apply the same logic to donuts with your ice cream? Are donuts an acceptable side dish? If I eat everything in my house, will this horror eventually end?
Turns out my best mate is on her period too! Call me Justin Timberlake because I am NSYNC.
My period appears to be at least half over. Am now changing my pad three times a day, as opposed to eight.
Oh my god, is it over? Already? I thought I had at least two days left. YES MATE!?
False alarm. My period is back. Cancel Tuesday.
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