Damn those girls whose periods seem to last for a fraction of a second. Those who can wear dainty dresses, white underwear and nothing more than a mini tampon to soak up the thimble full of menses coming from their vagina every month.
Those girls are not us, are they? Because if you’re reading this, it’s probably safe to say you pulled the short straw when it comes to the time of the month.
Welcome to the heavy period club: an elite group of menstrual superheroes. We might look like other women and girls, but behind the cool facade we’re dealing with serious pants carnage, and secretly panicking that the 16 pack of super tampons stashed in our handbag might not see us through the day…
Here are 16 things you only know if you have a heavy flow.
Leaking is a given
Cue checking every seat when you stand up.
Sneezing has all kinds of consequences
Pray for us during flu season…
Long journeys are a nightmare
Needing to pop to the loo every hour is pretty restrictive.
Even travelling to the toilet can be risky.
Don’t make any sudden movements.
You regularly clear the local supermarket shelves clean out of sanitary items
You’re single-handedly supporting the government with your contribution to tampon tax.
And getting caught short is your worst nightmare
You have special period knickers
And who knows what colour they were to begin with?
And wearing white is completely out of the question
Unless you want the pink ombre look, that is.
Sleepovers are a no-no for one week each month
It’s bad enough risking leaking onto your own sheets for seven days, let alone spoiling your friend’s fancy bedding.
One word: bloodbath.
You’re genuinely impressed by how much blood you lose
It’s a miracle we’re still alive, tbh.
With heavy flow can come great pain
But the more you bleed, the more chocolate you can eat
So it’s swings and roundabouts.
The day you’re due on is like a military operation
Super tampons? Check. Clear line to the bathroom? Check.
But when you finish you want to throw a party.
Finally, it’s over. Until next month.
You feel sorry for yourself, but know it’s just the way you’re made…
This Mean Girls GIF is your soulmate.
According to the NHS, the average amount of blood lost is between 30-40ml, with 9 out of 10 people losing below 80ml. Generally, your period will be considered heavy if you lose more than 60ml over the course of your period. But unless you’re about to sit on a measuring jug for a week, it’s best to learn what is normal for your body – and if you’re concerned, have a chat with your doctor or an adult you trust.
It’s time you started celebrating your period, guys. Sign up to bettybox RN and get all your tampons and pads, beauty products, sweet treats and loads more cool stuff delivered to your door, every single month. We know. It’s totally awesome.
Image: Katie Edmunds