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13 things I’d rather do than have a confrontation

Some people love confrontation. They get a buzz from the sweaty palms and the quick retorts. They genuinely enjoy getting to the bottom of an issue and talking it out. They love the honesty and the catharsis of confrontation.

I am not one of those people. The closest my boyfriend and I have ever got to fighting is just staring at each other looking vaguely puzzled. When I was younger, I used to hide my phone in the bottom of a bag and hide the bag in the wardrobe if I anticipated even a whiff of friend drama in the air. There are about a million things I would rather do than be involved in any form of confrontation. Such as:

1. Set my hair on fire and the eat the ashes.

2. Rub chilli directly into my eyeballs.

3. Read the entire dictionary. In one sitting.

4. Feel like I need to pee for four solid weeks.

5. Wear an eye patch for four months. (Tbh, I actually think I could really pull this off.)

6. Take a bath with a cow.

7. Moonwalk naked through Trafalgar Square.

8. Only eat rhubarb for two entire days.

9. Legally change my name to Scrotum.

10. Pluck out all my eyebrows hairs and draw them on every morning with purple marker.

11. Get stuck on a toilet and have to call emergency services to come and dislodge me.

12. Collect all my pimple pus for a year and use it as mayonnaise.

13. Throw my phone in the sea.

@LilyPesch

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