Look, not everyone is a natural-born exercise lover.
Some of us can bound out the front door at the crack of dawn with a song in our hearts and rhythm in our blood and boss a workout like it’s NBD – while some of us have to be dragged from the sofa by our feet, screaming. Some of us, like your surrogate celebrity godmother and all-round Shero Mindy Kaling.
The writer, actress and all-round wonder human has her own special method for coaxing herself out for a run.
She told Conan O’Brien:
“I have to pretend, when I run, that I’m avenging the murder of my husband. I have to have these elaborate fantasies to motivate myself… I can’t just be motivated by, like, oh this is good for my health, I should be trim because I’m an actress in Los Angeles. That won’t work for me. I’ll just stay in bed. So, I have to be like, ok, what am I doing? Ok! Michael Fassbender is my husband and then we were in Central Park one day and someone stabbed him because they hated interracial couples and they got away with it and now I have to go down to Brazil and find this Nazi who killed my husband who is Michael Fassbender.”
Inspired by Mindy, here are a few more amazing imaginary reasons to get moving…
1. A really big wasp.
2. Zombies. There’s even an app for that.
3. Relatives who want to talk about the time you were five and peed yourself in a public forum.
4. There is a helicopter 10 streets away, showering down free burritos.
5. Donald Trump.
6. Really big zombie wasps.
7. That teacher who forgot to ask for your history essay has just remembered, a minute after the bell rang.
8. Somebody just WhatsApped to say they saw Solange in Tesco.
9. A dog ran off with your phone and you had just reached level 278 on Candy Crush.
10. A dog ran off with your phone while you were in the middle of an incredibly banterous Snapchat exchange and you’d just thought of the perfect reply.
11. A dog ran off with your phone. Full stop.
12. Your mother, waving a colour-coded revision timetable.
13. You are a kickass tribute in the Hunger Games, except the hunger games are you running round the block five times and then eating a cheese toastie.
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