1. Are they walking towards me?
2. Does my breath smell?
3. Why did I have a tuna sandwich for lunch?
4. Why did I have a tuna sandwich ever? Tuna is the kryptonite of romance.
5. My arms feel weird.
6. Should I cross them?
7. Or just leave them by my sides?
8. Oh my god, what do I normally do with my arms?! WHY IS THIS SO HARD.
9. What should I say?
10. “Hey!”? Nope. Too American.
11. “Hi”? Too simple.
12. “Howdy?” Wait, am I suddenly in a 50s Western film?
13. Maybe I’ll just nod. Nodding says, “I acknowledge you exist, but your presence doesn’t make me want to run away to Spain with you and tattoo your name on my bicep or anything.” Nodding is cool. Right?
15. Oh my god, they’re coming! No, no no – they’re right here.
16. “G’day partner, do your arms ever feel weird?”
17. Nailed it.
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Image: Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging