1. Ohhhhh yeeeeaaah. Onesie on, under the covers, 15 minutes for a bedtime YouTube vid. #WINNING.
2. Urgh – should probs be doing something something super wellbeing-y instead shouldn’t I? Like writing in a gratitude journal, or meditating or something.
3. Well sorrynotsorry – my wellbeing is based on zoning out to makeup tutorials I’ll never be able to recreate.
4. What have you got for me then, Tanya Burr? An impossible 90s look with a brown lip that will make me look like I’ve just eaten a jar of peanut butter?
5. Mmmmm, peanut butter.
6. OK you’ve only got time for one, so think carefully. Do not waste it on something rubbish.
7. I wonder if T-Bear actually would be my wellbeing guru if I Snapchatted her about it enough times?
8. And also my personal eyebrow do-er. How can anybody be that good at eyebrows?
9. Why do they always recommend weird ‘How it’s made’ videos to me? I have literally never clicked on one. What even are they?
15 minutes later
11. OK that defo didn’t count as my actual choice. It was on The SCIENCE Channel for god’s sake, that’s basically homework.
12. OK, ONE more. But a useful one. Maybe a Niomi Smart ‘What I Eat in a Day?’
13. Mmmm peanut butter.
14. Oh here – perfect. Zoella vlog about birth and Boxer dogs. Totally qualifies as useful since I may one day give birth. Or, even better, own a Boxer dog.
20 minutes later
15. Must convince mum to get us a Boxer dog.
16. Ok. Go to sleep.
17. BOXERS DOGS DRESSED AS FAST FOOD!
5 minutes later
18. GO. TO. SLEEEEP.
19. BUT CATS DRESSED AS DOGS!
10 minutes later
20. How late is too late to WhatsApp the gang with this life-changing discovery?
21. It’s probs not even that late.
22. WHAT THE…?! OK. Turn it off.
23. Thing is… 11.37 isn’t a very round number to go to sleep on. I’ll just watch til 11.45. That way I’ll have been watching for a nice round hour, too. Which is way better for…. karma. And stuff.
24. Ooh prom outfit ideas. And prom is only seven months away so should probs already be planning anyway.
10 minutes into video
25. What was that Little Mix video about prom?
15 minutes of Little Mix videos later
26. God I wish I was in Little Mix. They’re so badass. And they seem such good friends. And they’re amazing at acapella…. Ooh!
25 minutes of Little Mix acapella compilations later
28. Remember at the beginning when Perrie couldn’t dance? Should really rewatch their first video to truly appreciate how much she’s improved.
29. I can totally function on less than eight hours sleep. I bet Beyoncé only sleeps for like, five hours a night.
30. In fact, should probs go back through every Little Mix videos and develop some kind of comprehensive marking system to determine who’s the best member overall. Dance moves, vocals, hair flick, sassy strut etc.
45 minutes later
31. So Jesy. Jesy is queen.
32. Why has the screen gone weird?
33. Oh that’s right – because you’re watching with one eye.
34. Because the other one has given up and gone to sleep.
35. Because it’s 01:10 in the morning.
36. If I was a YouTuber I wouldn’t need to go to sleep though, ‘cos I’d just be doing hauls for a living. Which can’t possibly be tiring.
37. Just how much do they make, do we think? Oh here we are: ‘World’s richest YouTube stars.’
5 minutes later
38. I could totes be the next Zoella.
Searches for ‘How to start a YouTube channel’
A gazillion minutes later…
39. How do they get the chocolatey glaze to look so shiny though? It’s like some weird delicious mirror…
40. GAR! It is 2.45am and you are watching cake-glazing videos.
41. You are literally going to die when your alarm goes off.
42. Wonder if I can legitimately ask for a bath full of chocolate glaze for my next birthday. Reckon mum might go for that. Waaay cheaper than a new phone.
Starts searching for ‘chocolate bath challenge’ vids
43. Four and a half hours sleep is totally doable for tomorrow. Beyonce’s clearly weak.
44. Oh my god, you have actually lost it. Turn it off. Turn. It. OFF.
45. OK. OK. Turning… it… DOGS AND CATS DRESSED AS LITTLE MIX!!