I am a purveyor of parties.
I can’t do a cartwheel and I can’t pull off leather trousers, but I can put a mean playlist together that gets everyone on their feet.
It started with my 13th birthday party, when I whipped out a dance-mat after a day of ice skating with my pals. Dance-mats were a super cool thing to have at this point (honestly!) and the sight of my friends squabbling over whose turn it was to go next filled me with total satisfaction.
The following year, my too-trusting mum let me have the house to myself for a few hours one evening to celebrate turning 14. I asked my older brother to DJ in the living room for the cooler kids, while my BFFs and I manically jumped around to Girls Aloud in my bedroom.
I reached peak party planning during university. My proudest party moment was holding a limbo competition then serenading a pineapple in a room full of people at my Hawaiian house party.
I just like to party, OK? But behind each one, there is a lot of blood, sweat and tears. If you’ve recently put on a party, or are in the middle of planning one, you’ve no doubt experienced a similar journey to this one:
After years of begging, the ‘rents have finally said I can have a house party! It’s going to be like the opening scene of an MIC episode when a new season starts. Except, I’ll probably swap Champagne for Sprite.
Must perfect the invite
How can I phrase ’PLEASE COME OR I’LL BE DEVASTATED’ without sounding too desperate? I wonder what Cara Delevingne usually puts? This meme of a cat wearing a party hat should do nicely.
Guest list dilemma
Well, dad said I’m only allowed 20 people max. But I can’t not invite the girls who I used to go to Brownies with. We’ve not seen each other in two years but it just wouldn’t be the same without them. Anyway, only half the people I invite will actually turn up, so it’ll be fine…
Arianna, Taylor, Rita, Calvin and Justin are a must, obvs. My big bro was listening to a guy called David Bowie the other night and it sounded pretty funky, maybe I’ll stick some of his tunes on for some serious kudos from the people in the year above.
Food, glorious food
Ten bags of Doritos and five jars of dip should do the trick, right? I’ll ask mum to get the olives and hummus that she usually buys for herself, to add that touch of sophistication- even though I think they taste disgusting.
Last minute nerves
The party is tomorrow and I’m in bed unable to sleep. How am I expected to concentrate at school tomorrow? Perhaps I can use this as work experience – it has required a high level of creativity and management, after all.
I feel like Beyoncé in my new Boohoo dress, most of my best pals are already here and my crush has just text to say he’s on his way. Everything is going as planned! What could possibly go wrong?
Hmm, the house is really filling up…
EVERYBODY HAS TURNED UP, PEOPLE ARE HAVING TO USE THE BATHROOM AND AIRING CUPBOARD AS SOCIAL AREAS. THIS WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.
Food shortage crisis
How were ten grab-bags of Doritos devoured in just twenty minutes? Ah, I see – the guys are having a food fight with them. It’s going to be fun picking out crisp crumbs from the carpet later. I suppose I’ll just leave them to it.
Nobody has touched the olives.
My perfectly curated playlist has been hijacked. My crush’s friend thinks hip hop is a much better idea. What a way to clear the dancefloor!
What was that smashing noise?
Oh god, someone has smashed something. What room was it in? How expensive was it? NOOO, not the antique vase in the hallway. That’s me grounded for at least six months. I’d quite like this night to end now.
Thank god, people are starting to leave
Ah, people are finally leaving and I have regained control of the iPod. I’ve been dancing to exactly what I wanted to dance to with my best group of pals. Yay! Maybe I’ll stick to small gatherings next time…
And thank god for friends
These guys are the best. They helped me hoover up, pick up the pieces of broken vase and do the washing up. I am blessed to have such squad on my side.
Just like Cinderella, I was in bed with my BFF by midnight. My parents came home and didn’t go ballistic, so we must have done a good job of tidying. My phone is alive with notifications from people saying what a great time they had! Perhaps I’ll do this again after all.
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