Activating: relationship. Level: beginner. You got this, girlfriend…
1. I am in a relationship now.
2. I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP.
3. I AM SOMEONE’S GIRLFRIEND.
4. I must assume the role of girlfriend!
5.…what does that even mean? I don’t feel any different.
6. Is there a book on this? Do I put it on Facebook?
7. I haven’t even told my mum.
8. Is she gonna give me the sex talk again? Ugh.
9. Wait, sex. Do we have to have sex now?!
10. No, we don’t. We don’t have to have sex. We will talk about being ready for sex.
12. Will it weird them out if I create a wedding Pinterest board?
13. I need to learn how to hold hands with someone in public.
14. I get sweaty palms, maybe I should carry talc around with me.
15. No, I’d smell like Nan.
16. Oh boy, introducing Nan. How do I explain Nan?
17. INTRODUCING PARENTS.
18. BEING INTRODUCED TO PARENTS.
19. RED ALERT, RED ALERT. EVERYONE TO THE BUNKER.
20. How long do I have before I meet the parents?
21. I will google a script.
22. THEY’VE TEXTED ME.
23. Hold on, I don’t need to freak out at that anymore, I’m their girlfriend.
24. I’M THEIR GIRLFRIEND.
25. Have we stepped up a level with kisses? How many do I put?
26. Or do I put none at all because it’s just implied now that I lov-
27. WHEN DO I SAY I LOVE YOU?
28. What is love?
29. I will google that as well, to be sure.
30. Shall I prepare an ‘I love you’ speech or just slip it in?
31. Oh jeez, sex.
32. This being in a relationship thing is more stressful than I thought.
33. How long has it been?
34. *checks * 10 minutes. I have been in a relationship for 10 minutes.
35. I think I have an upset stomach.
36. CAN I FART IN FRONT OF THEM? Who makes the first farting move?
37. What about pooing, can I poo? I poo a lot.
38. Thinking of them pooing is weird. Maybe it isn’t love yet.
39. Is that love?
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Image: Hailey Hamilton