“It’s the Final Countdoooooown!” is an example of a song I sing to my vagina on the last day of my period, and also how I feel about this time of year.
It’s the final school term before summer, and while you may be tempted to spend the whole time crossing the days off – with big, satisfying biro crosses through your homework journal – remember to stop and smell the roses. Summer is but a mouse’s eyelash away, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the days you have left.
1. Your teachers start letting loose
“Oooh, MISS,” we cooed at Miss Cotter. “You look NICE.”
And she did look nice! She had a little sundress from Monsoon on and a long pendant necklace and we swarmed around her like she was our cool older sister.
That’s the thing about the weather getting warmer: people allow themselves tiny acts of frivolity, and it usually starts with their clothes. This is a great indicator of which teacher is going to be awesome for the last weeks of term: the teacher who comes to school in jelly sandals is also the teacher who will bring in tiny bags of Haribo on the last day. They want summer to get here just as much as you do, which brings me to point two…
2. They might even let you have class outside
In the whole time I was at school, I think we had class outside exactly once. When you consider that we asked to have class outside roughly 700 times, this is a pretty low return, and a business expert would probably say that it was not the best use of our time. But class outside – like communism, or a McDonald’s breakfast – is one of those things that is more powerful as a concept than as a reality. It doesn’t matter if we actually HAVE class outside, just as long as we can continue to dream of one day, maybe, having class outside.
3. Everyone’s parents go away
There’s always that one friend whose parents trust them just a little more than they should, and it is always good to keep this friend close during June. This is the friend whose parents also have a holiday home in Gibraltar, and have no qualms about going there for an entire week, leaving your mate’s older brother in charge. This pretty much gives you license to hang out in her back garden all afternoon, eating all the lunchbox Peperami and listening to Cool For The Summer on repeat. Nice.
4. Everyone starts breaking up
It’s sad, I know, but they do. Sit on the green on any Friday in June and you’re bound to see Hannah and Mark – who only celebrated their six month anniversary YESTERDAY – having a long meaningful hug with one headphone in each ear. Mark’s going away on a French exchange, and Hannah needs to spend this summer finding herself. They’ll love each other forever, of course.
It might be a little cruel to get the popcorn out, but what the hey.
5. You get to watch films in class!
As your teachers begin to realise that you’re basically not going to absorb anything they have to tell you, they may resort to just setting up a DVD player in the middle of the classroom and letting it rip. MOST teachers will probably put on Ice Age 4, but one might be cool about it and let you watch Wolf of Wall Street. It’s about Economics, miss!
6. Everyone’s preparing for the End of Year Blankety Blank
I don’t know what your school’s End of Year Thing is, but I’m confident that you do have a very definite Thing. Maybe it’s a talent show – which, in my experience, is usually won by three blonde girls singing a song about friendship – or maybe it’s a hymn concert. Maybe you all perform the greatest hits from musicals, and every year some parent complains that a group of teenage girls doing the Cell Block Tango from Chicago is not the best use of the school’s time. Regardless of what your End of Year Blankety Blank is, you’re going to have the time of your life sitting on a stairs somewhere, in half of your costume, complaining that the lyrics of Grease Lightning are way creepy.
7. The last day of school
Signing your school shirt! Adding everyone to a WhatsApp group that you immediately mute! Once again, tiny packets of Haribo! Nothing is as exciting nor as bittersweet as the last day of school, especially if it’s your last one in primary or in secondary school. Soak it up guys. I won’t say these are the best days of your life – because frankly, there are WAY better days than school – but you’re certainly going to remember them either way.