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Things you only know if you’re obsessed with food

Everybody loves food, but some people’s feelings for fine fodder go beyond that.

They are the foodies of this world, the ones who believe that there’s so much more to food than just eating it. Meals should be mulled over while taking photos from every angle, desserts need to be discussed at length in detailed blog posts and it takes a true carb connoisseur to end the argument on the best use of potatoes (mashed all the way, IMO).

Yes, the foodie is an essential member in any friendship group which wants to be seen eating the right stuff in the best places (STEP AWAY FROM MACCY D’S, PEOPLE!). If you recognise any of the below behaviours in yourself, you might be the resident foodie in your own friendship group:

1. It doesn’t matter if your BFF is about to eat her own arm after waiting over an hour for her burger to come out, NO ONE is allowed to start until you’ve taken the winning Instagram shot.

2. You roll your eyes each time your pals suggest Nando’s or Pizza Hut for dinner at the weekend. Do they even know this is 2018?!

3. No one has seen you outside of school much over the last few weeks, because evenings and weekends are strictly for finessing your food blog before unveiling it to the world.

4. You very nearly got grounded last night for shouting at your dad because he was ‘roasting the potatoes all wrong!’

5. Millennials have avo-toast, so you’re going to be the one who finds and crowns the definitive dish of Gen Z.

6. You’ve been known to salivate over your desk while thinking about fish tacos during a particularly boring Geography lesson.

7. You’ve had all your cookbooks signed at foodie events – most notably Deliciously Ella, Ruby Tandoh and Meera Sodah – and treat them as holy relics never to be touched by anyone but you.

8. Friends come to you for recommendations on where to woo their new beau through their stomach but, sometimes, you keep the best places to yourself and feel ever so slightly smug about it.

9. You can chop an onion quicker than the time it takes for mum to ask ‘what on earth is going on in this kitchen?’ when she gets back from work and catches you experimenting.

10. Holidays are for trying new cuisines, and you’ve got a list of TripAdvisor’s best-rated for most European destinations, just in case.

11. You have a pineapple printed phone case, pencil case and duvet covers.

12. It’s very possible you’re the long-lost third Hemsley sister and you like to point out the vaguest similarities to anyone who will listen.

13. Passing food tech is a guaranteed A* pass for you. Congratulations!

14. No party is worth your attendance if there’s no mention of Marks and Spencer finger food and nibbles on the Facebook invite. And no, Doritos and dip do not count.

15. Pals tend to just let you order first when you eat out because they’ll almost certainly follow suit and order the same.

16. Your MasterChef application form is written out and ready to send as soon as you’re old enough to apply.

17. You are the only person in your whole year to put Le Creuset cookware on your birthday and Christmas lists.

18. In your opinion, everyone on GBBO is an amateur who can’t handle the heat.

19. Nigella Lawson is god.

20. Sometimes all you want is a Papa John’s pizza but you only order one when no one is around to see it.

21. You have mastered how to spiralise pretty much every vegetable out there.

22. Saturday brunch isn’t optional, it’s a way of life.

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@hlouiser89

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