1. Five more minutes of TV and then I’ll start my homework
[Five minutes later…]
2. Damn, that went fast.
3. OK, another five minutes and I’ll go get my schoolbag.
[Another five minutes later…]
4. Is it scientifically possible to be glued to the sofa?
5. Like, this might be a genuine condition. I can’t move. Could I get a doctor’s note and not have to do my homework?
6. I’ll Google it.
7. Crap, left my phone in my schoolbag. Plan B…
8. “MUUUUMMM! CAN YOU GET MY SCHOOLBAG?”
9. Why is she ignoring me? It’s like she wants me to fail.
10. Maybe if I flick the channel I’ll find something as dull as double chemistry. That counts as homework, right?
11. The Big Bang Theory is basically science. That’ll do.
[Thirty minutes later…]
12. Just one more episode…
13. If Sheldon can track his bowel movements and still find a girlfriend then why am I single?
14. Maybe I’ll start tracking my bowel movements.
15. No, that would be gross.
16. Now I need to pee.
17. Picked up my schoolbag on the way back from the toilet because I’m a multi-tasking GENIUSSS.
18. *opens laptop* I’ll just check Facebook…
19. Wait, there’s a picture of Megan and Ollie kissing at the ice rink. Are they DATING?!
20. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me.
21. OMG I just tagged myself in their photo. Right on his mouth. DE-TAG DE-TAG.
22. Like, how did I even manage that?
23. I’ll never be able to show my face at school again.
24. Maybe I’ll run away to Japan and set up a cat cafe.
25. I could become a professional cat vlogger. Cat-ogger? A clogger?
26. Must come up with a better name.
27. Taylor Swift has good cat videos. I’ll just check her Instagram for research…
28. Her cats are travelling by private jet while I’m forced to sit at home doing algebra.
29. I wish I was a cat. Cats are so sassy.
30. If I was a cat I’d sit on my bed all day glaring at my human until it petted me.
31. But instead I’ve got homework to do. Where’s the justice?
32. I really should do my homework…
33. Just five more minutes.
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Image: Hailey Hamilton