I was always a scaredy cat. When my friends were watching scary movies, I could be found in the room next door playing card games with their parents or sitting on the toilet seat in the bathroom, reading a book.
But, for some reason, I have always loved urban legends. I love how dramatic they are. I love the voices people put on, all deep and gravelly. I love the theatrics of the dark room with nothing but a torch underneath someone’s chin for light. I love the way my friends and I all grip each other’s hands so tight that they turn a delicate shade of purple.
Logically, we all know they aren’t really true. We know that none of these things really happened to anyone’s cousins boyfriends sisters. We know that it’s improbable that so many killers are on the loose – and if they are, we really need to re-think our prison system. But hey, why should ‘the truth’ get in the way of a good story?
So for Halloween we thought we’d share some of our favourite spooky stories… and I promise, they all happened to a friend of a friend of mine. Probably.
Workin’ like a dog
Dogs make everyone feel safer. They’re warm and cosy and they bark when there’s a strange noise outside. But I don’t think there’s anyone in the world that has ever found a dog licking their hand comforting after hearing this story…
A young girl is home alone with her dog when she hears a killer is on the loose (obvs). She locks all the doors and windows before going to bed. In the night, she hears:
It’s coming from the bathroom. Frightened, (dripping is notoriously scary), she reaches underneath the bed and feels her dog lick her hand. Comfortingly. But the next morning when she goes to the bathroom, she finds her dog (skinned/decapitated/or just dead, depending on how twisted the person telling the story is) hanging in the shower, with his blood slowly dripping onto the tiles.
On the shower wall, written in the dog’s blood, are the words “HUMANS CAN LICK TOO.”
In the eye of the beholder
A girl was home alone at night watching TV on a sofa (seriously, where are these people’s parents?), when she glanced at the window and saw the hazy figure of a tall man. She quickly called the police but when they arrived, they didn’t find any footprints in the fresh snow… just watery footprints behind the couch.
“You are very lucky to be alive, young lady!” the policeman said.
“Why?” replied the confused girl.
“Because the man was behind the couch. That was his reflection you saw in the glass.”
Honestly, I know he was a murderer and all, but he could of at least wiped his feet before he came in.
Somebody hit the lights
A college student was studying late when she realised she had to nip back to her dorm room to pick up some more of her notes. So she wouldn’t disturb her roommate, she didn’t turn on the lights – just picked up her stuff from her desk and went back to the library.
Later, when she went back to her room, she found her roommate dead and a note written in lipstick on the mirror. It said, “Aren’t you glad you didn’t turn on the light?”
The moral of this story? Being a conscientious student might one day save you from being murdered. There’s a 99% chance a pushy parent came up with this one.
A couple in a car had pulled over on the side of the road and were kissing when they heard an announcer on the radio say there was an escaped convict in the area. He was described as having a hook instead of a right hand (Captain Hook, we’re looking at you).
The couple were frightened (they’d probably seen Peter Pan), so they started the car and sped away. But when the boy dropped his date home, he walked around to open the car door for her… and hanging off the door handle was a hook.
So, studying and not kissing boys is the way to avoid being murdered? Let us get a pen.
No more clowning around
This one seems particularly poignant considering the killer clown craze that’s going on right now (seriously 2016, what the hell?)
A girl is babysitting two kids while their parents are out for dinner. After they watch the news where (you guessed it) a killer is on the loose (also, what crappy babysitter makes kids watch the news?), the babysitter puts the kids to bed. A few minutes later, they come downstairs complaining that the clown statue is staring at them. The babysitter didn’t know what to do, so she called the kid’s parents.
“The children are frightened of the clown statue in their room. I was wondering if I should cover it up?” the babysitter asked.
“They don’t have a clown statue in their room,” comes the reply.
Dun, dun, DUUUUUUUUUUUUN.
From this spooky sample selection, I think we can safely conclude that parents need to leave young girls at home alone less often, the prison system could step it up, and that in a weird twist, the 2016 killer clown thing might actually be more frightening than the actual urban legend. What a time to be alive, hey?
I don’t know about you but tonight, I’m sleeping with the lights on.
Got a favourite scary story? Share it with us on Twitter @bettycollective.