Never know what to expect when you look in the mirror every morning? Then you’re probably a member of the Curly Hair Club.
Here are some facts about us: our motto is Look, Just Embrace The Frizz *fist pump*, our calling card is spotting the difference between a natural curl and a curling tong wave from impressive distance and our mascot is a giant bulk-bought vat of conditioner so soft and silky you don’t know whether to put it on your head or wear it as pajamas.
Here are some other things you only know if you have naturally curly locks.
Firstly, having curly hair and entering a room is like turning up to a party with a puppy. Everybody wants to stroke it.
Ok fine, you can touch it – but light, tentative strokes with the palm of the hand only, people.
And, contrary to popular belief, the weather isn’t an issue.
The heat makes our hair curlier, and the wind just adds stunning volume. Rain? We call that ‘Free Curl Mist’.
The question ‘How did you get your hair like that?’ is a daily occurrence.
We literally did wake up like this.
However, there are some problems. Like fringes. Fringes will give you trust issues.
Thinking of getting a fringe? There’s just no knowing how that story will end. Will it be totally manageable and spring into uniform curls like the rest of your locks, or will your hair look like a sponge that’s been put through every setting on a spiralizer? Before go for the chop, think about it long and hard. How well do you really know them?
Actually, curls in general cannot be trusted.
Your hair will not look the same two days running – even if you use the exact same curl cream to serum ratio and scrunch it with a towel exactly seven and three quarter times, you’ll still have surprise hair the next day. And that’s before factoring in other meddlers like puberty, periods and the times you forget to buy more curl cream and have to raid the kitchen for olive oil instead.
We’d like to take a short break here while you refer back to the club motto (see above).
You probably know the difference between hair serum, mousse, cream and oil.
AND which work best for summer and winter climates. You’re a Superdrug prodigy.
And you know what a diffuser is.
Oh, that giant plastic claw that bemuses straight-haired people who don’t even bother to remove it from the hairdryer box? We know how to use one. In fact, we’ve known each other our whole lives. No big deal.
Oh, and here’s a tip – the bigger the diffuser, the better the end result, because you can pile your curls inside nice and deep so the wave gets really voluminous. You can get this XXL one for just over a tenner. Nailed it.
You know conditioner is Queen
Obviously. If your bathroom is the island in Lord of the Flies, conditioner is the conch. It brings civilisation and order amongst knots (the only downfall – but hair this fabulous has to come at a price). Sunday night’s tangles don’t stand a chance against you and Aussie 3-Minute Miracle.
And baby hairs are King
Tiny little curls adorning your hairline like a crown? We’re in
There’s no sense of accomplishment comparable to straightening your curly hair and realising how much it’s actually grown.
I’d like to thank my fans, my afro comb and vitamin D.
Loads of hairdressers don’t know how to cut your curls
It’s true – curls have to be cut totally differently to straight hair. Have your locks ever looked like the pyramid stage at Glastonbury? You’ve been straight snipped. But at least you’ve got amazing natural waves. Que sera, babes.
You can go days without washing your hair and literally NO ONE WILL NOTICE.
TIP: curly hair tends to be drier than straight, so that just-shove-it-up-in-a-ponytail trick you do on day three is actually really good for letting the natural oils work their rehydrating magic.
In fact, those drier ends mean you’re a maestro when it comes to emergency DIY Sunday hair masks.
What’s that, internet? An article called How to make a homemade avocado and banana conditioning treatment? Oh please. You discovered that trick three years ago on a family holiday in the Costa del Sol when you forgot your Boots Curl Mousse and had to get creative in the fruit and veg aisle at the local Mercadona. It’s all about organic almond oil and natural Greek yoghurt (full fat) now. You’re welcome, Pinterest.
And finally, hairbrushes.
They’re the devil. So, Mr Brush, you’re just an innocent hair tool that’s going to make my waves all sleek and smooth? LIES. Hairbrushes turn waves into giant balls of uncontrollable static madness. They literally eat your curls. Oi, Tangle Teezer – sleep with one eye open, mate.
Header image: Pixabay