Sure, your friends love fashion… but you live and breathe it. You’d smile if you met Harry Styles, but you’d scream with joy if you saw an Anya Hindmarch Tony the Tiger handbag in the flesh. You’ve stubbed your toes by dropping hefty fashion magazines on your foot. More than once. You’ve read more biographies of Coco Chanel than some of your classmates have read books, full stop. You are a true fashion warrior. Here’s what life is like for the style obsessed.
1. You’re so obsessed with finding perfect vintage pieces that the staff at your local charity shop greet you by name and put stuff aside for you. You’ve left them your mobile number so they can alert you the second a perfect 70s maxi comes in.
2. Sometimes you try to persuade your friends to stash your textbooks in their lockers because there’s no room for anything in there apart from your back issues of Vogue. Which you need. For… emergencies.
3. More than once, you’ve looked at the curtains in your lounge and wondered how cross your Mum would get if you cut them up to make the perfect brocade mini.
4. You get one present from your entire family for your Christmas and birthday, because you’ve asked all of your relatives for cash towards the Bella Freud jumper / vintage Céline bag / Saint Laurent bootees you saw on eBay. (And you always have one very sweet auntie who insists you need ‘something to unwrap’ and gets you a Bayliss and Harding gift set anyway.)
5. In your view, non-uniform days require as much dedication, commitment and forward planning as a GCSE exam. More than once, you have considered taking a change of outfits and debuting a brand new look at lunchtime.
6. Somewhere in the back of your wardrobe, there’s at least one piece of clothing that you’ve tried to make yourself after falling in love with the catwalk version. One day you’ll own that Kenzo jacket, but you’re not sure you’re ready to wear your own version yet. Who knew tigers were *so* hard to draw?
7. When you ask your mates what they’re wearing to a party and they shrug and say “Dunno, jeans maybe?” you don’t know whether to laugh, cry or ask them if they need a lie down.
8. Your favourite word is ‘haberdashery’, ever since you found out it means a shop that sells buttons, ribbons, feathers, sequins, fabric and everything else your allowance goes on besides actual clothes. You have a sneaky feeling that your haberdashery splurges are what made it possible for your local shop to take on an extra person to work on Saturdays.
9. Even though your favourite movies are fashion favourites (maybe you love The September Issue, The First Monday In May or Funny Face) your friends can always persuade you to go to the cinema with a style reference. Even if it’s totally made up. “I hear that the scene with the spaceship inspired Alessandro Michele to do a futuristic collection for Gucci!” Ok, sure.
10. Occasionally, you drift off and daydream about winning your first Oscar for costume design, or styling your first shoot, or announcing that your fashion brand is about to launch a perfume. You’re not sure exactly what you want to do, but you’ve thought long and hard about being interviewed and revealing what your style influences are.
11. In an emergency, you reckon you could pull together a week’s worth of cutting edge outfits with a pack of bin bags, a roll of tinfoil and some string.
12. At least one person in your family has been given a makeover by you. They said they liked the customised t-shirt, but they freaked out about the hair chalk.
13. Your signature style is preppy-meets-punk. Meets eighteenth century debutante. Meets gamine Left Bank intellectual, meets nineties Riot Grrrl, meets Phoebe in Friends, meets… urghhhh, this is too hard. Perhaps it’s truly stylish not to have a signature.
14. You have an entire Pinterest board dedicated to Anna Del Russo, the eclectically-dressed editor of Vogue Japan. You think she’s the most stylish woman in the universe.
15. Every time you visit your grandparents, you go straight for the stash of old photos. You say it’s because you’re interested in family history, but you’re hoping to spot some amazing retro outfit that might still be stashed away in the attic…
16. Secretly, you don’t think there’s anything that bad about wearing sunglasses indoors. In fact, you plan to design your own range of shades, specifically for indoor wear.
17. Thanks to your accessorising skills, attitude and sheer style confidence, you can make a onesie look cool.
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Image: Scream Queens