Because until Unicode releases a pad emoji, we’re going to have to improvise…

Crystal ball, crystal ball, when will my fallopian tubes release an egg and fall? The calendar says I’m definitely due, but when will it happen? It’s up to you!

Unamused emoji

Hnnnngh. I’m bloated, I’m farty, and my makeup keeps sliding off of my face. I am going about life with the grace of an elderly widow who hits dogs with her walking stick for fun.

Crying emoji

It is eight in the morning and I am crying at that Gumtree advert where the man buys his daughter a piano.

Flushed face emoji

Oh, god. There’s a sudden warm, damp feeling in my knickers, and it’s definitely not wee. At least, I hope it’s not wee.

Please don’t be wee.

Expressionless face emoji

Ok, while I AM relieved that I haven’t wee’d myself in the middle of class, I do have my period, and I somehow don’t have a tampon or a pad. WHY does this always happen to me? I’m practically tripping over tampons 90% of the time, and now I actually need one, they are nowhere to be found.

Ogre emoji

There is so much blood in my life right now that I feel like I’ve just performed a pagan slaughter. I change my pad, and ten seconds later, I’m changing it again. I am the red troll, and should be sent to live in a cave where I can just bleed and bleed forever.

Dark blue moon emoji

I don’t know if it’s true that women’s period cycles are linked to the moon, but I feel very attuned to nature now. It is possible that I am maybe a witch.

Donut emoji

You know how most people have a bit of bread with their soup? Is it possible to apply the same logic to donuts with your ice cream? Are donuts an acceptable side dish? If I eat everything in my house, will this horror eventually end?

Bunny women emoji

Turns out my best mate is on her period too! Call me Justin Timberlake because I am NSYNC.

Half moon emoji

My period appears to be at least half over. Am now changing my pad three times a day, as opposed to eight.

praise hands emoji

Oh my god, is it over? Already? I thought I had at least two days left. YES MATE!😓

False alarm. My period is back. Cancel Tuesday.

@Czaroline

Get excited – we are declaring this a Presidential Election free Zone. No Hillz, no Trump. Instead, we’re talking about important things much closer to home: the latest emojis, Zayn’s mental health struggles and how much we love Emma Watson.

Here’s our weekly round-up of everything we’ve been reading, watching and loving this week.

Life is complete – we have a shrug emoji

iOS have announced the latest batch of emojis and there’s plenty to face-palm about. No seriously, they’ve added a face-palm. Also making their debut are the avocado, a female firefighter and for some bizarre reason, a hard boiled egg. So basically all the things a modern girl needs in 2016.

emojis

Zayn opens up 

Since leaving One Direction (and simultaneously breaking ten million hearts), Zayn Malik has been pretty busy. He’s released a solo album, an autobiography, and has found love with Gigi Hadid (he even makes her Yorkshire puddings, sigh).

But in his new book, Zayn talks openly about his anxiety and reveals that while a member of 1D, he suffered from an eating disorder. “It was more down to losing track of, you know, actually eating, and being super busy and getting caught up with other things…” he explained to the Associated Press, though the day before the book was published he also posted this heartfelt note on Instagram. We’re glad you’re happy and healthy Zayn.

A photo posted by Zayn Malik (@zayn) on

We are #ForTheGirl

Sadly, 70% of girls aged 11-21 say that sexism has a negative impact on most areas for their life – and Girlguiding has decided to do something about it. The organisation has launched a new campaign, #ForTheGirl, which aims to create an equal future for girls and boys and empower girls to overcome the challenges and inequality they face. Sign us up!

Soggy bottoms forever

If you’re anything like us, your Wednesday night felt empty this week, void of Mel and Sue’s perfect puns and Paul and Mary’s soft buns. But this print from oh gosh Cindy will let us keep Mary in our hearts and on our walls forever. If you haven’t started a Christmas list yet, now’s time.

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Mary Berry, oh gosh Cindy, £9

Vagina, Vagina, Vagina

In a 2015 survey from the UK, 66% of women between the ages of 18 and 24 said they were embarrassed to use the word “vagina” — even with a doctor. The Legalize V campaign is trying to change all that with this hilarious video, which they shared on Facebook… only for Facebook to swiftly take it down again, citing “profane language.” Puh-lease.

So using the correct anatomical name for our lady parts is profane? Balls. Or rather, vagina. Vagina, vagina, vagina!

Emma Watson had a novel idea

Is it just us that thinks Emma Watson would be the ultimate BFF? She cares about human rights, she’s funny and smart AND she loves to read. So much so she’s starting a feminist book club. This week she hid copies of Maya Angelou’s ‘Mom and Me and Mom’ around the London Underground in collaboration with the Books on the Underground Project  with a special note from Emma inside! Race you to the tube.

betty is #UnpickingPerfection

For the month of November betty is tackling the idea of ‘perfection’. We firmly believe that perfection is overrated, potentially damaging and basically a big ol’ waste of time. Instead we are all about getting real on social media, spilling yoghurt on your top and spreading the message that flaws are fun and flawless is boring.

Read our imperfect articles, watch our imperfect videos and follow us on Twitter @bettycollective and Instagram @bettycollective to see more of #UnpickingPerfection this month.

That’s all! Have a lovely weekend, we’ll see you Monday.