Ok, everyone knows your period is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a perfectly natural – if sometimes irritating – part of life.

However, as natural and wonderful and empowering as your period might be, very few of us want to bellow “HIYA I’M MENSTRUATING” at our friends when we’re walking down the road. So in case you find them useful, we asked 38 women for their favourite period euphemisms. You are welcome.

1. Aunt Flo

2. Surfing the crimson wave

3. Ladies’ week

4. Mr P

5. Nature’s mess

6. Menzies

7. Josie’s visiting – ”My Mum always said Josie’s visiting. Then it became just Josie. Never managed to make friends with any women called Josie – too many associations”

8. On the blob

9. Shark week

10. The moon sickness

11.Me and my friends have long referred to it as our ‘pez’. ‘Can’t go swimming today I’m on my pez’ or sometimes ‘pezza’, or ‘the ol’ pezza’.”

12. A Leona situation (ie. bleeding love)

13. Happy-fun-lady-time!

14. “I liked it when Tina Fey referred to it as ‘Aunt Blood'”

15. Having the painters in

16. Falling to the communists

17. Pez dispenser

18. “At my school girls say they’re ‘flying’. Because of the wraparound wings.”

19. Molly has come to visit

20. “My four-year-old sister calls it ‘nappy week'”

21. Rag week

22. Code red

23. Arsenal are playing at home

24. “My boyfriend and I refer to it as ‘my curse’ as a tongue-in-cheek reference to what men called it in the olden days”

25. The Red Sea is flowing

26. “My boyfriend calls it ‘Hanna time’”

27. Lunar flow

28. Ordering ‘l’omelette rouge’

29. Aunt Irma’s in town

30. Bloody Mary

31. Flowers

32. Dracula’s teabag

33. Lucifer’s waterfall

34. Reboot

35. Having your fairies

36. Hiding from Joffrey

37. Bernard

And my absolute, absolute favourite.

38. My Dolmio Day.

Mmm.

@orbyn

Image: Hailey Hamilton

It’s time you started celebrating your period, guys. Sign up to bettybox RN and get all your tampons and pads, beauty products, sweet treats and loads more cool stuff delivered to your door, every single month. We know. It’s totally awesome. 

Often, childhood friendships disintegrate into nothingness. It’s no one’s fault, there’s no huge fight or grand betrayal – but the friendships that once were the most comfortable things in the world start to feel too tight, like the favourite shoes you bought years ago and now are two sizes too small.

‘It’s natural,’ your mum tells you. ‘People outgrow each other,’ your dad says. And they’re right, of course. Some friendships don’t last.

But some do.

These friendships, the ones that started in sandpits when some kid looked at you and didn’t immediately smash your sandcastle with their foot? They’re pretty damn special. So while it might be hard to keep up childhood friendships once you stop seeing each other every day at school or when you actually have to arrange to get together rather than being able to rely on your mums to sort it out, there are a lot of reasons you should hang in there and go the distance with a longterm friendship. For example…

1. They can always help unpack the dishwasher in your house, because they know where everything goes better than you do.

2. You have permanent and inalienable rights to their wardrobe.

3. And they won’t get too cross if you spill on their best top, because, let’s be honest, they’ve done the exact same thing to you.

4. You don’t have to explain your weird Uncle Frederick to them because they know your weird Uncle Frederick. In fact, they sat next to him last year at your birthday dinner and had a nice chat about the Romans.

5. They will be honest and tell you that no, you won’t suit a fringe.

6. And they’ll be sympathetic when you ignore them and get the fringe anyway, and end up completely hating it.

7. You can call them to ask them the name of your primary school librarian.

8. And if they don’t know the answer, at least they’ll be able to share in your frustration.

9. Let’s be honest, who remembers their sixth birthday? You never know, your long-term BFF might.

10. You can sit with them in silence for ages without ever being uncomfortable.

11. And you can be as weird as you like, without worrying that they’re going to stop being your friend.

12. Because these are people who’ve probably seen you pee your pants. At least once.

13. They never forget your birthday because it’s seared into their memory as deeply as their own.

14. You have childhood photos of each other that you can make into pretty collages. 

15. Or use for blackmail.

16. They know the name of your childhood toy.

17. And that you still like to cuddle it when you’re ill or sad.

18. They won’t judge you for what subjects you choose in school, what career you aspire to or what grades you get – they knew you long before any of these things even mattered.

19. And maybe most importantly? Because they’ve loved you at every stage of your life; when you were missing your two front teeth or you couldn’t tie your shoes. They’ve loved you when you couldn’t even spell your own name, let alone write it down. They’ve loved you when you called them crying at 2am or when you’ve given them a hideous cold by sneezing in their face accidentally.

Long-term friendships don’t always work out, but when they do they’re amazing. If you’re lucky enough to get the chance, maybe you should give them a try.

It’s time you started celebrating your period, guys. Sign up to bettybox RN and get all your tampons and pads, beauty products, sweet treats and loads more cool stuff delivered to your door, every single month. We know. It’s totally awesome. 

Image: Hailey Hamilton

No, not that sort of period. We’ve covered PMS thoughts at length, and in intimate detail. We’re talking school periods – the sort that appear on your timetable between chemistry and double maths. The ones you have grand ambitions for at the start of the term, and a creeping sense of dread of by the end.

They’re the blessing of sixth form, together with your own clothes, a kettle, and the chance to legitimately lord it over your snotty inferiors; but like any BOGOFFER, they can prove ruinous.

After all, it doesn’t take 10 A*s at GCSE to realise these so-called free periods are not quite as free as they claim to be. Here then are the 19 thoughts you have when you reach a free period at school…

1. FREEEEEEEEEEEDOM

2. Hahaha srsly cannot believe they trust us with 50 whole minutes of free time.

3. I mean, with a fair wind and a punctual bus, I could get home and back in 50 mins. Put my slippers on, eat last night’s lasagna – hell, I could even finish off an episode of Riverdale… BUS!

4. Crap, just missed it.

5. Starbucks though. Starbucks is just down the road. Could nip in, get a Caramel frapp for me and Anika…

6. NO. Slippery slope that. Frapp it up every free, and it’s a £28 a week habit. Way too spenny. Besides, think of the sugar…

7. I’ve got it. I’m going to go the gym. 25 mins on the treadmill, quick shower and I can be back in school with 5 mins to spare. Now that’s being productive. That’s efficiency. That’s what free periods are really for.

8. Where are my trainers? Are they…

9. Yes they are. They’re at home. Next to the telly.

10. It’s fine, I’ll just do some extra reading. Miss told us to “immerse ourselves in our subject and really read around” and she’s right, you know. To the library!

11. Sooo ‘International Relations 1870-1914 by Lowe’ is missing. And ‘Locarno Diplomacy. Germany and the West 1925-9 by Jacobson’. And ‘Japan and the League of Nations.’ Has some geek taken out the whole reading list already?

12. Right. Got a sweet textbook. I’ll just get a quick Diet Coke from the vending machine (#sixthformdream), and then I’ll get stuck in.

13. This is so nice. It’s so lovely to be able to go deep into a subject I feel passionately about. This is just how I imagined sixth form would be.

14. I mean take this sentence for example: “Since coming to office in August 1923, Stresemann had devoted himself to defending the unity of the Bismarckian Reich from possible disintegration under the impact of the Ruhr invasion and Rhenish separatism…”

15. Wait. What?

16. WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

17. FFS. I’m just going to chill with the fam. That’s what they do in Community, and that is precisely the aesthetic I’m aiming for. I’ll just run through my maths homework to make sure it’s legit, then hit the common room and see who else is around.

18. Oh crap. I’ve missed two pages of maths homework. I’ve missed two whole pages of questions. I’ve ten minutes left.

19. I’m dead.

[bell rings]

 

How many times have you stalked a couple on social media? Whether you’ve known them for years, or found them through your best friend’s cousin’s dog’s postman’s niece? Trawling through a couple’s social media history is a brilliant way to procrasti- I mean, super interesting. You’ll find you can probably filter them into these eight categories…

The ones in the same room-ers

mindy

@girlfriend101: @girlfriend102 Pass the remote.

@girlfriend102: @girlfriend101 It’s literally right next to you.

Their phones have taken over so much of their lives that they can no longer communicate physically. They’ve forgotten how to. Everything is done by @-reply. You know in WALL-E where the future humans are stranded in those chairs? Basically that.

The LOOK HOW GREAT THEY ARE-ers

look-how-great

Where they get their money from is anyone’s guess, but they’re constantly buying each other lavish presents and splashing them all over social media. Yes, yes your boyfriend’s wonderful. He is good at buying stuff. We all know. But just think of the clear-out you’ll have to do when you eventually break up. Effort.

The meme taggers

happy-gif-56b472ee7a1fa

It’s all they do. It’s their life, it’s their Bible. They tag each other in memes. Everything is relatable. They are peak internet.

The Snapchat streakers

taylor

Much like your nan telling you that one day the wind will change and you’ll be stuck frowning, soon these Snapchatters will have the dog filter permanently plastered on their faces. They’re obsessed with showing their bf/gf their every sight during the day and the heart emoji is cemented next to their name to prove it…. UNTIL IT’S NOT?! WHO THEY HELL HAVE THEY BEEN SNAPCHATTING? Which brings us on to…

The popcorn gatherers

popcorn

You don’t really have any care for these people, but their drama is too good for you to ditch. They love to air their dirty laundry publicly on every social media site (just in case you missed it elsewhere) and break up on Facebook at least once a week. It might be worth keeping a tally.

The subtweeters

maths

Much like the above but instead of being explicit about their drama, these couples like to be cryptic. Who was that dig directed at? Why has one of them had a terrible day and the other is ‘thinking about who’s really important in life’? It’s the modern crossword. It would save a lot of time if they just stepped up a level to ‘popcorn gatherers’ and were a bit more direct but, hey, it gives our brains a workout.

The vomit-inducers

mute

The only thing worse than couples fighting publicly on social media is couples who actually love each other. They check in together everywhere from Nando’s to the dentist, post kissing selfies with every heart emoji every damn day, and hashtag every soppy status with #love #truelove #loveofmylife #couplelife #relationshipsgoals #soblessed… ugh, sorry, I can’t… I’m gonna… oh God… *retches*

The ones that make you question whether they’re still together-ers 

modern

And finally, the couples who are too chill for social media. Yeah, they’re together, but they make you work for proof of their existence. You’ll be honoured with a viewing of a collage of their goofiest selfies on each other’s birthdays, maybe, and they tag each other in the odd meme. But otherwise, you’re kept on your toes. And while you’re seven months deep into their Instagram, they’re hanging out IRL.

Who are the real winners in this scenario? Hard to say.

@louisejonesetc

It’s time you started celebrating your period, guys. Sign up to bettybox RN and get all your tampons and pads, beauty products, sweet treats and loads more cool stuff delivered to your door, every single month. We know. It’s totally awesome. 

Illustration: Hailey Hamilton

It happens to the best of us – we fill our drawers, bags, pockets and cabinets with everything we need to prepare for our periods, but every so often we get caught out, just because it’s a couple of days early, we’re not at home and we’re wearing the wrong coat. Here’s what goes through our minds, once we’ve finished silently screaming “Noooooooo!”

1. WHY? Why am I so disorganised? My life would be so different if I remembered, and got up before 7AM to make healthy lunch salads, and liked herbal tea more than hot chocolate, and meditated. Why don’t I sew them inside the lining of my jacket? Like they probably did during the war?

2. Actually, what did they use during war time? Were they rationed?

3. Were they…knitted? I suppose they’d be quite easy to knit. You’d unpick your husband’s suits, while he was away fighting, making do, being brave on the home front…

4. Urghhhh. The chafing, though.

5. It’s probably not long until we can have them airlifted to us, by drone, the second we need them. I am not disorganised. I am merely evolving slightly ahead of technology.

6. Still, that would be a bit awkward, the sound of a very noisy drone flying overhead while you’re in the loo. Although the person pooing in the next cubicle might be grateful.

7. I can picture the lovely tampons in my bathroom. A whole, fresh packet, singing with availability and newness! Maybe I can teleport one here using the power of my mind. Like Matilda.

8. So I am not Matilda. Still, it is better to be slightly uncomfortable and not have magical powers than to have superhuman abilities, horrible parents and a headmistress who might lock me in a spiky cupboard.

9. Imagine getting your period in The Chokey. The period would probably be frightened back into your uterus.

10. I really fancy some of Bruce Bogtrotter’s cake, though.

11. It’s OK, I just need to do a crab scuttle to the toilets and use wadded up loo roll. Although didn’t that girl from Year 11 have a cousin who did that at a festival and got toxic shock syndrome?

12. Oh, no, she was the one who had six cans of Red Bull and tried to run up the side of a Portaloo.

13. I wonder whether I should get special knickers that would absorb the period, for emergencies like this.

14. Or a commode, like a Queen. If men had periods, Henry VIII would have invented something long ago that meant no-one had to get up or move for the entire week.

15. I’ll just check my pocket. I have 19 Polos, from six different packets, some old tissues and a broken bit of key ring.

16. Oooh, and a lip balm!

17. I don’t remember this lip balm, the packaging feels a bit odd. Actually, it feels a bit like…

18. Ah. Ahahahahahahaha! I knew I wasn’t that disorganised!

19. Quite glad I didn’t ruin the lining of my jacket, now I think about it.

@NotRollergirl

It’s time you started celebrating your period, guys. Sign up to bettybox RN and get all your tampons and pads, beauty products, sweet treats and loads more cool stuff delivered to your door, every single month. We know. It’s totally awesome. 

Ah, love. It’s a tricky bastard. Love means a million different things to a million different people, and sometimes it’s hard to tell if what you’re feeling is true love, intense like, a raging crush or just the first twinges of indigestion.

But sometimes, you just know. Shakespeare had his summer’s day, Jane Austen had her country dances… and we have the moment you decide to share your Netflix password. Here are some 2017 signs that you’re probably, definitely, in love.

1. You let them take the stamp for your coffee on their loyalty card.

2. You actually put your phone down when they talk to you.

3. You offer them the last slice of pizza.

4. …then they say, ‘No, you have it.’

5. You agree to see La La Land for a second time, even though musicals make you want to punch things.

6. Even Snapchat knows you’re together and puts two pink hearts next to their name.

7. You can share a tent at a festival in August for a whole four days and still be speaking to them at the end.

8. They let you practice everything you learned from Dr Pimple Popper on their chin.

9. You’ve felt a strange and overwhelming urge to give them your wifi code.

10. There are more strips of adorable photobooth pictures in your purse than actual cards or money.

11. Every meme they tag you in actually makes you laugh, not just like to be polite.

12. You have Instagram notifications turned on for them, even if they’re a six-nearly-identical-blurry-selfies-at-once person. Even then.

13. They are the very first person you WhatsApp “SNOW!!!!! ❄️☃️❄️☃️” to when it snows.

14. And sad faces to when it turns to rain three minutes later.

15. You know their exact Starbucks order, and recite it faithfully even when it’s embarrassingly long.

16. You look at them the way everyone looks at Beyoncé.

It’s time you started celebrating your period, guys. Sign up to bettybox RN and get all your tampons and pads, beauty products, sweet treats and loads more cool stuff delivered to your door, every single month. We know. It’s totally awesome. 

Image: Getty

Tampons. Perfectly practical items, with mysteriously magical properties. No matter how organised, tidy or careful you are, they have a tendency to escape their packaging and turn up under sofa cushions, in forgotten pockets and for me, once, in a vintage gilt lipstick case that had belonged to my Nan.

We can’t stop it from happening, so we must find the beauty and wonder in the unexpected – it’s like Blue Planet, if it all took place in a suburban high street chemist. Here are 11 times when we’ve all wondered “How did that get THERE?”

In the pockets of the slightly musty fleecy anorak you were about to take to the charity shop

You’re pretty sure you weren’t even having periods, last time you wore this. There is a photo of you taken in 2005 where you’ve accessorised it with a Bratz lunchbox and a grazed knee.

In the carrier bag that has been wrapped around another carrier bag that contains the exploding Thermos full of soup that you hoped to eat for lunch.

Urghh, it’s as if the universe wants you to eat sandwiches forever. On the plus side, having a random absorbency aid in the mix probably limited the damage you’ve done to your schoolbag.

In your bra

It’s a good idea in an emergency, and then a terrible idea when you forget until you get ready for bed and discover that the scratchy lace you’ve been moaning all day about is actually pointy cellophane.

In your trainers

Tampons are secret fitness fiends, and have a mysterious ability to roll into the toe of any sports shoe. We think it’s their passive-aggressive way of reminding us that a little exercise will ease the cramps.

In the book you’d put down somewhere and forgotten about

“This book is brilliant! I mustn’t lose my place. I just need a bookmark – but there are no receipts in my pocket. Not even a bit of tissue… oh, wait! I can use this tampon that’s been in my bra!”

In the middle of the floor of the bus

Everyone is looking at it. No-one is going to take responsibility for it. Someone is trying to edge it out of the way with their foot before a naughty boy spots it and yells “IS THAT YOURS? ARE YOU ON YOUR PERIOD?”

In the drawer where your family keeps old keys, screwdriver heads, bits of string and manuals for things that were thrown out three years ago

This drawer never, ever contains what you’re looking for, but it always has at least two tampons at the bottom, no matter how often you take them out and throw them away. It also contains an instruction manual for the tampons.

In the bag you ‘borrowed’ (without asking) from your sister

The only thing to do is to take a dignified breath, compose yourself and say “What do you mean, I stole your bag? I think what actually happened is that you stole my tampons.”

In your pencil case

But only when someone you fancy or are keen to befriend asks to borrow a highlighter. “Help yourself!” you say cheerfully, before spotting it and praying they assume it’s a novelty rubber.

In your wallet

“And will you be paying by cash, card or menstrual hygiene product?”

Under your heel

You’re pottering about in your bedroom, doing some relaxed admin, sighing at your floordrobe and putting socks in the washing basket to be productive. Suddenly there’s a twinge in your ankle and an unwelcome pressure on your sole, as you’re forced to grab the wall so that you don’t fall over. Less than two inches of cotton can, under the right circumstances, floor an entire human being.

This really should be used in a Bond film as a plot device.

@NotRollergirl

It’s time you started celebrating your period, guys. Sign up to bettybox RN and get all your tampons and pads, beauty products, sweet treats and loads more cool stuff delivered to your door, every single month. We know. It’s totally awesome. 

1. Like a tiny man is busking in your uterus and has fashioned your fallopian tubes into guitar strings, so he can gently pluck them… constantly. Day and night. The same tunes, again and again.

2. Like someone’s replacing the cheese on their spag bol for your uterus and is ferociously grating it with all the strength they have because WHY NOT, EH.

3. Like some douchebag has snuck up on you and punched your uterus hard square in the face, then run away with plans to come back in approx. 10 minutes and do it again.

4. Like your P.E. teacher has decided that today’s dodgeball session will take place in your uterus and the whole school is playing.

5. Like an overenthusiastic orchestra conductor has mistaken your uterus for the Royal Albert Hall, is waving his arms incredibly dramatically, causing an absolute ruckus and EVERYTHING IS JUST A BIT TOO MUCH.

6. Like your uterus has gained actual sentience and is trying to claw its way out of your body for the great escape to freedom.

7. Like the douchebag from earlier has come back and given your fanny a bruised black eye. THROBBING. WHY THE THROBBING FANNY?!

8. Like it’s raining and the kids next door have decided to play Swingball in your uterus (instead of spending hours on YouTube like normal kids).

9. Like someone’s wringing out your uterus like a flannel.

10. Like your nan’s tied your fallopian tubes into a pretty little bow for her cat.

11. Like a Brownie group are camping in your uterus but have had too much sugar on their first night away from their families and are screaming, ‘KOOKABURRA SITS IN THE OLD GUM TREE’ while running around playing Tag and you’re just weeping.

12. Like your uterus is about to do a bungee jump and is shaking with nerves so much it might actually fall out.

13. Like someone is using your ovaries as stress balls.

14. Like you’ve got those really weird pins and needles in your foot where it’s super numb but if you try and move it a fraction then it suddenly vibrates and feels SO WEIRD.

No?? Just me?

Oh. 

@louisejonesetc

It’s time you started celebrating your period, guys. Sign up to bettybox RN and get all your tampons and pads, beauty products, sweet treats and loads more cool stuff delivered to your door, every single month. We know. It’s totally awesome. 

Image: Hailey Hamilton

1. Five more minutes of TV and then I’ll start my homework

[Five minutes later…]

2. Damn, that went fast.

3. OK, another five minutes and I’ll go get my schoolbag.

[Another five minutes later…]

4. Is it scientifically possible to be glued to the sofa?

5. Like, this might be a genuine condition. I can’t move. Could I get a doctor’s note and not have to do my homework?

6. I’ll Google it.

7. Crap, left my phone in my schoolbag. Plan B…

8. “MUUUUMMM! CAN YOU GET MY SCHOOLBAG?”

9. Why is she ignoring me? It’s like she wants me to fail.

10. Maybe if I flick the channel I’ll find something as dull as double chemistry. That counts as homework, right?

11. The Big Bang Theory is basically science. That’ll do.

[Thirty minutes later…]

12. Just one more episode…

13. If Sheldon can track his bowel movements and still find a girlfriend then why am I single?

14. Maybe I’ll start tracking my bowel movements.

15. No, that would be gross.

16. Now I need to pee.

17. Picked up my schoolbag on the way back from the toilet because I’m a multi-tasking GENIUSSS.

18. *opens laptop* I’ll just check Facebook…

19. Wait, there’s a picture of Megan and Ollie kissing at the ice rink. Are they DATING?!

20. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me.

21. OMG I just tagged myself in their photo. Right on his mouth. DE-TAG DE-TAG.

22. Like, how did I even manage that?

23. I’ll never be able to show my face at school again.

24. Maybe I’ll run away to Japan and set up a cat cafe.

25. I could become a professional cat vlogger. Cat-ogger? A clogger?

26. Must come up with a better name.

27. Taylor Swift has good cat videos. I’ll just check her Instagram for research…

28. Her cats are travelling by private jet while I’m forced to sit at home doing algebra.

29. I wish I was a cat. Cats are so sassy.

30. If I was a cat I’d sit on my bed all day glaring at my human until it petted me.

31. But instead I’ve got homework to do. Where’s the justice?

32. I really should do my homework…

33. Just five more minutes.

Taylor Swift bored

@SusannaLazarus

It’s time you started celebrating your period, guys. Sign up to bettybox RN and get all your tampons and pads, beauty products, sweet treats and loads more cool stuff delivered to your door, every single month. We know. It’s totally awesome. 

Image: Hailey Hamilton

It’s not fair. It seems like the summer holidays had only just begun, then suddenly the shops are full of the dreaded ‘back to school’ gear and the start of a new term is here. Unfortunately we can’t predict what this next year has in store for you, but we can pretty much guarantee these things will happen in the first week…

1. Someone will doze off on the school bus

After six weeks of lie-ins and naps on tap, getting up at the crack of dawn for school will be a heck of a shock to the system. If someone’s not snoozing on the way in, they will be on the way home.

2. You’ll have a special ‘returning’ assembly

You know the one, where you’ll be told to set an example for younger students and that you represent the school within the community and should behave accordingly. Blah blah blah.

3. Everyone will have new stuff

New coats, new rucksacks, new stationery. You’ll spend the first few days eyeing up everyone else’s new shoes and wondering if you should have begged your mum to buy you block heels instead of ballet pumps.

4. All the boys will be a foot taller

In fact, everyone will look different somehow. How can people change so much in just six weeks?!

5. At least one girl will still have a colourful hair wrap she got on holiday

And she probably won’t stop going on about her exotic vaycay either. We get it, Louise, you went to the Bahamas.

6. There will be a new person

It’ll be really exciting if it’s a new student, and everyone will bombard them with loads of questions about where they’re from. But if it’s a new teacher you’ll regard them with suspicion until you’ve got them figured out.

7. No-one knows where they’re supposed to be

Everyone will be late to lessons while they get to grips with their new timetable – even the teachers. Fingers crossed your classes aren’t on separate sides of the school grounds.

8. You’ll do your very best handwriting in all your new exercise books

Well, for a few days at least, then you’ll fall back into your usual scrawl. Who cares as long as you can read it, right?

9. There’s a mad rush for the best seats

If you’re going to spend a whole year in the same seat in each class, you’ve got to make sure it’s in prime position next to all your mates (you want it to be as easy as possible to pass notes, don’t you?), so you can expect a bit of a scramble at the start of the first few lessons. Elbows at the ready!

10. The school will have done something totally radical

Like changing the lunch menu or moving break times slightly – and everyone will be talking about it for days.

11. There will be an outrageous rumour about something that happened over summer

It’s usually about a girl in the year above getting pregnant or someone’s brother going to jail. It’s probably completely untrue, but everyone loves a good gossip.

12. Your teachers will get right back on it with the homework

Nope, there’s no easing you back into things. And even though they’re happy to hand out homework with reckless abandon, it’ll be weeks before they mark the assignments they set over summer!

13. Everyone’s a bit smug about going up a year

If moving up a form comes with any privileges, such as a common room or jumping the lunch queue, you’ll be sure to rinse them for all they’re worth. And even if it doesn’t, you’ll still feel a bit superior to all the students in the years below you.

14. You promise yourself you’re going to buckle down with your studies

You tell yourself you’ll do your homework the moment you get home, that you’ll keep a razor sharp focus in class and that you’ll start revising for exams months in advance. But let’s be honest, you probably won’t. And that’s fine, just do your best – it’ll be the summer holidays again before you know it!

It’s time you started celebrating your period, guys. Sign up to bettybox RN and get all your tampons and pads, beauty products, sweet treats and loads more cool stuff delivered to your door, every single month. We know. It’s totally awesome. 

Boobs are great; we all know that, but they have a tendency to get in the way. The bigger they are, the more complicated they are to dress, or indeed work out with. You’re nodding aren’t you? And thinking about your thrice weekly P.E. struggles with those double Es?

Well, big-boobed babes, you’re not alone. We feel you, which is why we’ve compiled all the things you’ll only know if you’ve ever done P.E. with a pair of juicy mangos…

The most important part of your back to school shopping is finding a supportive sports bra

For other girls it’s the perfect pencil case, but for you it’s all about the correct boulder holder to see you through hockey trials.

And God forbid you forget to pack it

Especially on the day when Mrs Lamont decides you’re doing sprints. OUCH.

Skipping is basically a no-no

Sports bra or no sports bra, black eyes are pretty much inevitable.

In fact, any form of jumping is less than ideal

Like, seriously, if you were meant to do the high jump you would not have been #blessed with this chest.

You’ve been known to double up on bras when it’s a particularly athletic day

It also makes you doubly sweaty, but that’s a fairly small price to pay for minimal movement on the running track.

Then when you do play, you spend the whole match tugging on the bottom of your T-shirt

You know you should embrace your bosoms, but if you could just stop them from moving AT ALL for an hour, that would be great.

Despite your lack of skills, they act as a great source of protection

There’s got to be some perks, right?

And once games is over, the girls ask you a million questions in the changing room

“Like, did you just wake up with them one day?”

When you really think about it, you’d miss them if you didn’t have ’em

How could you channel your inner Victoria’s Secret Angel in the gym if you didn’t have the boobs of one?

It’s time you started celebrating your period, guys. Sign up to bettybox RN and get all your tampons and pads, beauty products, sweet treats and loads more cool stuff delivered to your door, every single month. We know. It’s totally awesome. 

Image: Amber Griffin

Sponsored by Stabilo

*Obviously* you have a laugh with your buddies all day, everyday (they wouldn’t be your mates otherwise now, would they?) But, do you ever feel like you’ve got to nurture your friends a bit too? If you’re the first one they run to when they’ve got a problem – a forgotten P.E. kit, a ruined rice pudding in food tech, a lost railcard, no tampons – chances are, you’re probably ‘the mum’ of your friendship group. And do you know what? It’s damn great position to be in. Here’s why…

You’re ahead of the zeitgeist

Which is basically a fancy way of saying you know what’s going to happen before it happens. And, you’re always prepared for it. Rain? Umbrella. Sun? Lotion. Period? Pad. It’s all there neatly packed inside your waterproof rucksack.

You’re the holder of all secrets

Your friends trust you to keep schtum on any juicy goss, plus they have maximum confidence you’ll give stellar advice on any problems. You’re a rare friendship-gem to find, even in adulthood, so shine like the diamond you are.

You’re a great study buddy

Because you’re so organised, your mates know you make THE BEST revision pal. You’ve already got the right books out from the library, you know what homework is due when, and you’ve got the cutest stationary. September’s bettybox features the prettiest pastel highlighter from Stabilo which will fit right in with your desk decor – not to mention work as the perfect lesson accessory.

You’re the boss

If you want to meet at 3pm, rather than 1pm, because you want to slip in one last episode of Pretty Little Liars, it’s totally your call. No one else will have been organised enough to set the time.

Your friend’s parents trust you

Your girl group’s parents have you down as the ‘responsible one’ of the group, so they don’t bat an eyelid when your friends all rock up for a sleepover. Think of the things you could get away with. Of course you don’t have time for silly business, you tell your friends. Not when there’s a manicure schedule to stick to, warm milk to be drunk and a 12-hour sleep on the agenda.

You’re the glue of the group

You hold the whole shebang together. If it weren’t for you, no one would know what lesson was next, half the group would spend their entire weekends hangry, and ‘the feisty one’ would still be fighting with ‘the honest one’. You rule!

Be prepared for anything that the new term throws at you with Stabilo Original BOSS pastel highlighters, available in September’s bettybox, online and in most stationery retailers.

It’s time you started celebrating your period, guys. Sign up to bettybox RN and get all your tampons and pads, beauty products, sweet treats and loads more cool stuff delivered to your door, every single month. We know. It’s totally awesome.