1. Is this a joke? This is a joke right?

2. Maybe if I disconnect and reconnect it will work?

3. This is the worst day of my life.

4. If I keep refreshing the page, the internet will realise how much I love it and it will come back to me.

5. What did people even do before the internet existed? Play with… marbles.

6. How do you even play with marbles?

7. What if I turn to router off and on again?

8. I wonder if I could guess our next door neighbour’s Wi-Fi password.

9. asgT52zestylimes? Argh. Not that.

10. Password1? Damn, it’s not that either.

11. Why didn’t we just have a blackout instead? I don’t even need lights that much. Anything would be preferable to this.

12. Isn’t the internet like, a basic human right?

13. I’ll google it.

14. Crap. I can’t.

15. I wonder if I could use this to get out of doing my homework…

16. How much data do I have left on my phone?

17. How annoyed will my parents be if I go over my limit again?

18. Maybe it will be worth getting groun-

19. OH MY GOD IT’S BACK!!!! HELLO SWEET INTERNET.

20. That was the longest two minutes in the history of the world.

Image: Katie Edmunds

1. Are they walking towards me?

2. Does my breath smell?

3. Why did I have a tuna sandwich for lunch?

4. Why did I have a tuna sandwich ever? Tuna is the kryptonite of romance.

5. My arms feel weird.

6. Should I cross them?

7. Or just leave them by my sides?

8. Oh my god, what do I normally do with my arms?! WHY IS THIS SO HARD.

9. What should I say?

10. “Hey!”? Nope. Too American.

11. “Hi”? Too simple.

12. “Howdy?” Wait, am I suddenly in a 50s Western film?

13. Maybe I’ll just nod. Nodding says, “I acknowledge you exist, but your presence doesn’t make me want to run away to Spain with you and tattoo your name on my bicep or anything.” Nodding is cool. Right?

14. Right?!

15. Oh my god, they’re coming! No, no no – they’re right here.

16. “G’day partner, do your arms ever feel weird?”

17. Nailed it.

Image: Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging