I’ve got a real love-hate relationship with group chats.

On the one hand, no one really has the time or patience to manually copy and paste the same sentence into a gazillion separate messages. We’re not about that. It’s way easier to moan on mass and gather important outfit info in a single shared conversation where, in theory, everyone reads and responds to texts with an suitably lol emoji at the drop of a notification.

But, we all know that’s not quite how it goes, is it?

Group chats are brilliantly chaotic at the best of times. If you’re anything like me and have roughly 19 on the go (and by that I mean 19 that exist but two that are actually ever in use), you might have noticed that they all follow pretty much the same pattern before fizzling out.

If they were all boiled down to seven stages, this would be it. Sound familiar?

1. The name game

What’s in a name, you ask? So. Much. Pressure. I’m pretty sure when Shakespeare threw that line into Romeo and Juliet, he wasn’t thinking about the stress of inviting a bunch of people into a convo and then having to decide whether to name it or not. But it’s about as stressful as what the star-crossed lovers were dealing with*. Kind of.

Obvs, it’s not the end of the world if you don’t name your group chat. But for the sake of knowing which chat is which and avoiding that tragically awkward thing of sending the wrong message to the wrong group, a named chat can be the saving grace you didn’t see coming.

*maybe don’t cite this in your English homework.

2. Who’s missing?

Working out who to include in a group chat is normally straight forward enough. But when it comes to those irregular chats, the ones with a specific purpose outside of your day-to-day gab, there’s always that minor panic of not including someone. After all, no one likes to be left out.

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Saying that though, once I panicked a bit too much about not inviting every single person I knew to a conversation and accidentally added the friend whose surprise birthday we were planning. Safe to say it didn’t remain a surprise.

3. Awkward side commentary

There comes a time in every group chat when someone goes rogue. They’ll say something that you’re not happy about, that doesn’t make sense or that really needs some thought.

So you end up having separate conversation with your BFF to talk about what’s been said, which then becomes a live commentary on what is (or isn’t) spoken about.  Then you end up chatting about a load of completely unrelated things and forget about the group chat you were originally meant to be paying attention to.  Which leads us swiftly on to…

4. The dreaded ‘delivered, read, no response’ fiasco

On a scale from one to annoying, this HAS to be at the top of everyone’s list of blood-boiling, forehead-vein-popping pet hates.

Don’t get me wrong, I totally get it. Sometimes we’re on our phones and then it rings/dinner’s ready/Netflix crashes/you fall asleep. The messages we were meant to reply to are then forgotten, leaving our friends with nothing more than two blue ticks and zero idea whether we’re okay with going as the Seven Dwarf to that fancy dress party. But still, it drives everyone crazy.

5. ‘Oh. Okay. Bye then’

You unlock your phone and open your app. You check into the group conversation to see how many people read your last message because as we mentioned earlier, people forget/get busy/don’t respond. Then you see the five words no group chatter is ever emotionally ready to read…

‘Jessie has left the conversation’.

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They’ve left. Like, gone. Without so much of a ‘bye guys’.

Sometimes it’s an accident and they have to awkwardly ask to be re-invited. But it never looks like an accident, does it? Oh, no. The rest of you are left scratching your heads wondering what on earth you might’ve done to annoy Jessie so much. 

6. Get a room

Ok, this might be what annoyed Jessie so much. There’s a time and a place to talk about the things that only really relate to a single person, my friends, and that’s in one of those old school one-to-one ‘conversations’.

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But eventually, inevitably, someone in every group chat will direct a question an individual rather than the whole group. Next thing you know they’re 58 notifications deep into a conversation that no one else can jump into. Take it outside, people.

7. Stalemate

If you’re lucky, by this time the whole reason for starting a group chat in the first place will have been resolved. You’ll all know what you’re wearing to that fancy dress party, the surprise birthday will be planned and that thing you needed to moan about will have received a hearty amount of support.

But then everyone runs out of things to say because questions have been answered and you’re left in GCL (group chat limbo). As other conversations overtake, it’s no longer at the top of your screen and your pocket pals are left in the wilderness.

At least, that’s until the next group chat is created. See number 1.

@JazKopotsha

Image: Hailey Hamilton

The week is finally (almost) over and there are plenty of reasons to celebrate. Half term is just around the corner, the iOS update is more fun than we thought and Taylor might be making all our dreams come true.

Here’s the betty weekly round-up of everything we’ve been reading, watching and loving this week.

Happy Day of the Girl!

Tuesday 11 October was International Day of the Girl – a day where we all put our heads together and try work out how to make the world a little bit better for girls. We went along to Women of the World’s Day of the Girl Festival at the Southbank Centre where we saw some amazing speakers, including the brilliant Caitlin Moran. If you want to know more about the day, read our write-up here.

To mark the event, the Guardian made this amazing-but-incredibly-depressing video about how global inequality starts before girls are even born. Watch it, get angry and let’s try to make things for girls better by next year. Or even next week.

Laura Bates slays, as per usual

Following the outrageous footage that was released of Donald Trump making sexist and generally revolting comments about women, Laura Bates (the founder of the Everyday Sexism project and author of ‘Girl Up!‘) appeared on BBC Channel 4’s Today Programme and ended up teaching the male presenters a lesson about why what Trump said was DEFINITELY NOT, in no way ever, a compliment.

(Psst… we recently chatted with the wonderful Laura, watch this space over the next few weeks for our interview with her).

Brexit is causing more break-ups

British staples like Marmite and PG Tips were removed from Tesco’s website on Wednesday. It’s the first time consumers have been directly impacted by Brexit and the falling pound, as Tesco and Unilever are in the middle of a monumental row over pricing. Tesco has decided to stop stocking Unilever’s products until they kiss and make up, leading to panic up and down the country. It’s the supermarket equivalent of unfollowing your ex on social media, but with disastrous consequences for everyone’s afternoon tea.

Karen with the good hair 

I complain almost every time I wash my hair. It’s boring and time consuming and then I have to blow-dry it which is also boring and time consuming. But when Karen Nyberg was in space in 2013, she made a series of videos explaining her beauty regime – and it turns out there’s something weirdly mesmerising about watching someone perform vaguely mundane tasks in zero gravity. Our new obsession.

Surprise! There might be a Swift release on the way!

If you have a working internet connection, you’ve probably heard that T. Swift is rumoured to be dropping a new album some time towards the end of this month. Specifically October 23rd. Where did this date come from? Well, almost all of her albums have been released in October in order to make the most of Christmas sales. Plus, surprise albums are really in right now (Bey was bae, of course). Taylor’s also playing a concert the night before in Texas (her first since December 2015) which her fans believe she might be using to launch her new album.

Fingers crossed! Come October 23rd, we just hope there isn’t a blank space.

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iOS? More like iO-YES!

And in more best news ever, this week we discovered completely by accident that iOS 10.0.2 has a cool new feature. If you iMessage ‘Congrats!’ to someone, they’ll get an influx of confetti on their screen. Obviously we spent the next 15 minutes trying to work out what other animations we could find – so far we have ‘Happy Birthday!’ balloons and ‘Happy New Year’s Eve!’ fireworks. Let us know if you find any more!

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Now go and congratulate all your friends for being awesome and watch the confetti fly…

Happy weekend, we’ll see you on Monday!

1. What sound was that? Was that a smash or a thud?

2. Do I have insurance?

3. Can you buy insurance after it’s broken?

4. Oh please, please, please, please no.

5. I can’t look.

6. Why isn’t someone here to look for me?

7. If I ignore it and don’t pick it up, will it be like nothing ever happened?

8. What are the odds that my £2 case from Primark will actually protect my phone?

9. Why hasn’t anybody invented time travel?

10. What are scientists even doing with their time?

11. Maybe that’s a little harsh.

12. How much money do I currently have in my bank account?

13. Steve Jobs, Saint of iPhones, please watch over me during this trying time.

14. IT’S OKAY. IT’S PERFECT. IT’S SO SO SO SO BEAUTIFUL. I WILL NEVER, EVER LET YOU OUT OF MY PALM AGAIN YOU SWEET, BEAUTIFUL CREATURE.

15. 25% battery. What is this?! I charged you, like, an hour ago you ASSHAT.