1. Ohhhhh yeeeeaaah. Onesie on, under the covers, 15 minutes for a bedtime YouTube vid. #WINNING.

2. Urgh – should probs be doing something something super wellbeing-y instead shouldn’t I? Like writing in a gratitude journal, or meditating or something.

3. Well sorrynotsorry – my wellbeing is based on zoning out to makeup tutorials I’ll never be able to recreate.

4. What have you got for me then, Tanya Burr? An impossible 90s look with a brown lip that will make me look like I’ve just eaten a jar of peanut butter?

5. Mmmmm, peanut butter.

6. OK you’ve only got time for one, so think carefully. Do not waste it on something rubbish.

7. I wonder if T-Bear actually would be my wellbeing guru if I Snapchatted her about it enough times?

8. And also my personal eyebrow do-er. How can anybody be that good at eyebrows?

9. Why do they always recommend weird ‘How it’s made’ videos to me? I have literally never clicked on one. What even are they?  

15 minutes later 

10. Dammit!

11. OK that defo didn’t count as my actual choice. It was on The SCIENCE Channel for god’s sake, that’s basically homework.

12. OK, ONE more. But a useful one. Maybe a Niomi Smart ‘What I Eat in a Day?’  

13. Mmmm peanut butter.

14. Oh here – perfect. Zoella vlog about birth and Boxer dogs. Totally qualifies as useful since I may one day give birth. Or, even better, own a Boxer dog.

20 minutes later

15. Must convince mum to get us a Boxer dog.

16. Ok. Go to sleep.

17. BOXERS DOGS DRESSED AS FAST FOOD!  

5 minutes later

18. GO. TO. SLEEEEP.

19. BUT CATS DRESSED AS DOGS!

10 minutes later

20. How late is too late to WhatsApp the gang with this life-changing discovery?

21. It’s probs not even that late.

22. WHAT THE…?! OK. Turn it off.

23. Thing is… 11.37 isn’t a very round number to go to sleep on. I’ll just watch til 11.45. That way I’ll have been watching for a nice round hour, too. Which is way better for…. karma. And stuff.

24. Ooh prom outfit ideas. And prom is only seven months away so should probs already be planning anyway.

10 minutes into video

25. What was that Little Mix video about prom?

15 minutes of Little Mix videos later

26. God I wish I was in Little Mix. They’re so badass. And they seem such good friends. And they’re amazing at acapella…. Ooh!

25 minutes of Little Mix acapella compilations later

27. OMGI’msooootiiiiired.

28. Remember at the beginning when Perrie couldn’t dance? Should really rewatch their first video to truly appreciate how much she’s improved.

29. I can totally function on less than eight hours sleep. I bet Beyoncé only sleeps for like, five hours a night.

30. In fact, should probs go back through every Little Mix videos and develop some kind of comprehensive marking system to determine who’s the best member overall. Dance moves, vocals, hair flick, sassy strut etc.

45 minutes later

31. So Jesy. Jesy is queen.

32. Why has the screen gone weird?

33. Oh that’s right – because you’re watching with one eye.

34. Because the other one has given up and gone to sleep.  

35. Because it’s 01:10 in the morning.

36. If I was a YouTuber I wouldn’t need to go to sleep though, ‘cos I’d just be doing hauls for a living. Which can’t possibly be tiring.

37. Just how much do they make, do we think? Oh here we are: ‘World’s richest YouTube stars.’

5 minutes later

38. I could totes be the next Zoella.

Searches for ‘How to start a YouTube channel’

A gazillion minutes later…

39. How do they get the chocolatey glaze to look so shiny though? It’s like some weird delicious mirror…

40. GAR! It is 2.45am and you are watching cake-glazing videos.

41. You are literally going to die when your alarm goes off.

42. Wonder if I can legitimately ask for a bath full of chocolate glaze for my next birthday. Reckon mum might go for that. Waaay cheaper than a new phone.

Starts searching for ‘chocolate bath challenge’ vids

43. Four and a half hours sleep is totally doable for tomorrow. Beyonce’s clearly weak.

44. Oh my god, you have actually lost it. Turn it off. Turn. It. OFF.

45. OK. OK. Turning… it… DOGS AND CATS DRESSED AS LITTLE MIX!!

@LucindaEverett

Ok, ok… *almost* as satisfying. But in the long run far better for your face. 

1. Seeing your food coming in a restaurant.

2. Your fave artist dropping a surprise new album.

3. Finding a fiver in your pocket.

4. Finding a tenner in your pocket.

5. Your cold clearing up for a solid 30 seconds so you can actually taste your food.

6. Waking up in a panic then realising it’s the weekend.

7. Stepping on really crunchy leaves.

8. Your phone dutifully staying on 1% battery until you get home.

9. Two chocolate bars falling out of the vending machine.

10. Finding free public WiFi.

11. Tweezing out an ingrown hair.

12. Your favourite TV series being renewed for another season.

13. The person you fancy texting back STRAIGHT AWAY?!

14. Having a really good poo.

15. Getting bettybox through the post! *ahem*

16. 7 Chicken McNuggets.

17. 7 Mini Jaffa Cakes.

18. Finishing your shower just as the hot water runs out.   

19. All your TV shows scheduling perfectly one after the other in the evening.

20. Everyone around the table saying ‘yes’ to seeing the dessert menu.

21. The dog trotting towards you so you don’t have to make the first ‘can I pet your dog please’ move.

22. Seeing a dog.

23. Dogs.

24. Snow day at school.

25. Finding a secluded spot and finally pulling your tights back up.

26. Getting the window seat on a train/plane.

27. Peeling off dried glue on your hands.

28. Bubble wrap. Obv.

@louisejonesetc

Image: Getty

1. I wish I was asleep.

2. If I fall asleep now, I will get seven and a half hours’ sleep.

3. I have never been this tired in my whole life.

4. Actually, no one in the history of the world has ever been this tired.

5. Apart from Obama. But he is the only exception.

6. Oh and Beyonce. Honestly, where does she get her energy from?!

7. Somewhere fancy, probably. Designer energy!

8. Ok I’m going to count sheep. That’s a thing, right?

9. I wonder why it’s sheep?

10. Are sheep notoriously good sleepers?

11. Why isn’t it sloths?

12. Or pandas?

13. Or tortoises?

14. Or my brother?

15. I wonder if he’s asleep, maybe he wants to watch an episode of Stranger Things with me.

16. No. I was sleeping.

17. Or, trying to sleep.

18. If I fall asleep now, I will get seven hours and 13 minutes’ sleep.

19. What about milk? Warm milk is totally a thing.

20. But then I have to get out bed, which will probably make me even more awake.

21. And it’s warm and cosy in here.

22. Is it weird that we drink another animal’s milk?

23. It is weird. Maybe I’ll start drinking soy.

24. But it’s an extra 50p to get a soy hot chocolate, which seems excessive.

25. Money is weird. Like, the metal of the coin isn’t worth 50p, but we perceive that it’s worth 50p.

26. What if we just all decided it was now worth 60p? Can we do that?

27. Maybe I should start a petition for it on change.org

28. Maybe it will make up for the fact I am going to fail my Citizenship test in the morning.

29. If I fall asleep now, I will get six hours and 42 minutes’ sleep.

30. I know! I’ll listen to a soundtrack of the ocean. Oceans are relaxing.

31. Excellent, Spotify even has a playlist of ocean sounds.

32. This is totally working. I feel relaxed and warm.

33. ………

34. ………

35. Oh for god’s sake, now I need to pee.

Image: Manjit Thapp

1. I wonder if these will be the trousers that change my life forever.

2. Why is it always so hot in here? Is it just the body heat generated by changing in and out of clothes, or have I accidentally signed up for, like… Bikram shopping?

3. These are probably not the trousers that will change my life forever.

4. I’ll stand on tiptoes though, just to be sure.

5. Nope.

6. Saved myself £24.99! I am a financial wizard. I’ll probably have a three-bedroom house by the time I’m 20.

7. Could I class changing in and out of clothes I definitely don’t want as ‘exercise’? It feels like cardio.

8. This mirror is probably wrong. I will open the curtain and look at the mirror in the cubicle opposite, just to be sure.

9. Mirrors should be banned.

10. Why can’t I get this thing off? Has it shrunk in the tropical humidity? Why don’t they realise that we’re never going to buy things if we feel like a puddle in a jumpsui– hang on, am I… stuck?

11. It’s fine, I’m not stuck. Deep breaths.

12. Was that a seam ripping? Ok, shallow breaths.

13. I’m stuck.

14. They will have to call firemen to cut me out. It’ll be in the newspaper. ‘LOCAL GIRL STUCK IN JUMPSUIT, LAUGHED AT BY ASSEMBLED CROWDS’.

15. Ok, if I just slightly dislocate my shoulder and do a kind of wiggly dance…

16. Free! I am free! Sweet freedom! I will never take my limbs for granted again.

17. Do I want to buy it though? Did it look sassy before I got stuck? I think it did. Maybe I should put it back on again.

18. This is fantastic lighting for squeezing spots. I should save them all up especially.

19. I wonder if anyone has ever died in here?

20. Tell you what’s still alive and well though – my KILLER sense of personal style.

21. If I just stayed very still and quiet, could I get locked into the shop and spend all night trying on the clothes?

22. But why would I want to do that, when this is such sweaty hell?

23. Films. It is because films make trying on clothes look like fun.

24. BUT WAIT, this isn’t a skirt at all! It’s a top!

25. It’s a nice top too. Imagine how good it would look if I wasn’t wearing it with emoji socks, pants and a hoodie tied round my waist instead of a skirt.

26. I think this might be the top that changes my life forever.

Image: Sisters

1. Is this a joke? This is a joke right?

2. Maybe if I disconnect and reconnect it will work?

3. This is the worst day of my life.

4. If I keep refreshing the page, the internet will realise how much I love it and it will come back to me.

5. What did people even do before the internet existed? Play with… marbles.

6. How do you even play with marbles?

7. What if I turn to router off and on again?

8. I wonder if I could guess our next door neighbour’s Wi-Fi password.

9. asgT52zestylimes? Argh. Not that.

10. Password1? Damn, it’s not that either.

11. Why didn’t we just have a blackout instead? I don’t even need lights that much. Anything would be preferable to this.

12. Isn’t the internet like, a basic human right?

13. I’ll google it.

14. Crap. I can’t.

15. I wonder if I could use this to get out of doing my homework…

16. How much data do I have left on my phone?

17. How annoyed will my parents be if I go over my limit again?

18. Maybe it will be worth getting groun-

19. OH MY GOD IT’S BACK!!!! HELLO SWEET INTERNET.

20. That was the longest two minutes in the history of the world.

Image: Katie Edmunds

1. Did I just…?

2. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

3. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Unlike it immediately!

5. Oh my god! I re-liked it! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!

6. My life is officially over.

7. Will they still get a notification that I liked the photo?

8. Will it say which photo I liked?!

9. WHY, OH WHY, DID IT HAVE TO BE THE PHOTO WITH THEIR EX?! Do the internet gods have no mercy?

10. I should text Jo and tell her to like and then unlike one of my photos and see what happens.

11. Why won’t Jo text me back?!

12. Urgh and because we don’t even follow each other on Instagram they’ll know I stalked them.

13. And that I trawled through the bazillion Alex Joneses and found the Alex Jones (by the way, thanks for having such a generic name) and that I then proceeded to go through SEVENTY EIGHT WEEKS of Instagram posts.

14. Is it possible they’ll find it flattering?

15. No. Probably not.

16. Maybe I should delete my Instagram account.

17. ORRRR I could move to Latvia! No one knows me in Latvia.

18. I wonder how much flights to Latvia are?

19. What’s the capital of Latvia…

20. Riga? Huh, I wouldn’t have guessed that.

21. I should move to Riga.

22. But then I’d never see Alex again and we would never fall in love.

23. Maybe I’ll just have another look.

1. Yaaawn, this is a dull day. Why did I even– ERMAGHAD, there’s a photo booth! Everyone’s favourite tiny curtained fun palace! Brace yourself, Instagram – we’re going old school.

2. Urgh, the queue so long. Why is everyone so slow. Can I be bothered to wait? Hahaha of course I can. It’s a photo booth.

3. Ok, the first photo is a little bit like the first pancake – it’s always going to be the worst. Just do your best adorable smile and hope for the best.

*FLASH*

4. Oh my god, why is the flash so bright?! I’m almost definitely going to be closing my eyes in that one. Alright, just gotta get past it and hope that the rest of them are good enough that no one notices the first dodgy one. Can’t peak too early.

5. Right, the classic funny face shot. I’m going to just stick out my tongue and make my eyes really wide: it’s timeless, it’s simple, it’s chic. Perfect. Except… Emily better be pulling a face. This better not be another one of those photos of the load of us looking like idiots and she’s just standing there smiling and looking impossibly hot. I’m just gonna glance over at her really quickly to make sure she’s rea–– *FLASH*

6. Oh ffs. You’ve got to be joking, that one’s going to be awful too. Ok, regroup, you’ve only got a few seconds left and it’s time for the candid laughing one – cue the awkward laughter! AHAHAHA. Why isn’t the photo taking, is the machine broken? AHAHAHA. This is a little weird now, just sitting here with my mouth hanging open and trying to look gleeful. Did a bug just fly into my mouth? I swear it my tongue tastes sort of bug-y. Ew. Ew. Ew. *FLASH*

7. Brilliant. Another disaster of a photo. Now the entire thing now hinges on the kiss on the cheek photo. I know Emily is going to want to be the one who has her cheek kissed but this is desperate times. I need this to be a good photo and everyone knows that the kissee always looks better than the kisser. I’m going to wait her out.

Yep, waiting her out. Stillllllllll waiting. Oh my god, is she really not going to do it? We need a kissing photo, a kissing photo is key to every single photo booth collage! Screw it, I’m going in. Wait, do I actually kiss her cheek or do I just sort of, er, hover near it. I think I kiss it. Yep I’m kissing.

Still kissing. They should really speed up how long you have to wait between photos because I’m pretty sure I’ve got saliva all over her chee–– *FLASH*

8. And it’s over. Incoming: a series of awful photos where I look like a hideous swamp monster who has never interacted with technology before. I don’t even know why we’re bothering to wait for them to print, I’m just going to beg Emily to throw them out because I am incapable of taking a decent photograph.

9. Hey, these are actually really cute! Is it just me, or are we… total babes? God bless the blinding flash and its ability to give everyone clear skin and shiny hair! Why does anyone bother eating healthily and drinking water and using deep conditioner when you can just pay £4 for photo booth pics and achieve the same effect?!

10. We should probably do another one so we have a set each, it’s just good sense really, isn’t it?

@LilyPeschardt

Image: Getty

Today is one of my favourite days of the year. It’s one of the lesser-known holidays – it doesn’t get the glory of Easter or Halloween, but it’s just as fun. It’s one of the unsung heroes, like National Chocolate-Covered Raisins Day or Inspire your Heart with Art Day, both of which also sound like very good holidays and Theresa May, if you’re reading this, I think they should all get us the day off school.

But anyway. Today is National Random Acts of Kindness Day, so we’ve put together a list of little, easy ways you can help spread love and cheer today.

1. Give someone a seat on the bus, even if they don’t look like they need it. Everyone likes a sit-down.

2. Pay for the person behind you’s coffee – or look out for independent coffee shops that let you buy coffees in advance, for someone who can’t afford one.

3. Bake your best friend a cake in their favourite flavour.

4. Write your parents a thank you note for doing approximately 1067 loads of washing for you over the years.

5. Email your favourite author telling them why you love their book so much.

6. Give your grandparents a call.

7. Or talk to any elderly person – you might just make their day.

8. Leave a nice note in a library book for the next person who reads it.

9. Compliment someone, and not just on something obvious like their hair.

10. Print out one your favourite poems and leave it on the bus for someone to find.

11. Help someone carry their bags to the car at the supermarket.

12. Ask someone sleeping rough what they’d like to eat for lunch, and buy it for them.

13. Start a conversation with someone at school who doesn’t have many friends.

14. Loudly applaud a busker, and tell everyone nearby that you think they’re going to make it big one day.

15. Set your alarm a little earlier and bring everyone a cup of tea in bed.

There are two types of people in this world: those who have ‘an accent’, and those who have one but believe that they don’t. If you fall into the first category, my friend, there are a few things you’ll definitely know. Such as…

1. Within the first two minutes of meeting someone, they will pause the conversation and try and guess where you’re from. “Is that a Dutch accent with a hint of Liverpudlian and… Canadian, I hear?”

No, no it isn’t.

2. If they have been to where you’re from, they will tell you about it.

3. If their sister/brother/mum/dad/distant cousin/friend/their barista has been to where you’re from – they will tell you about it.

4. They will attempt to mimic your accent and use a stereotypical phrase that no one from your country or region actually uses. You will pretend to find this funny because it’s easier than explaining why they’re wrong.

5. They will ask if you like it here, and gesture towards the sky, like you’re in a new and mysterious universe. Mate, it’s Swindon.

6. You will control your urge to say: “No, that’s why I live here. Because I hate it.”

7. They’ll ask you to pronounce specific words. For a brief moment in time, your life will actually be like a scene from Love Actually, but (probably) with few super hot American girls. Treasure this moment.

8. Whenever you say the wrong word, pronounce something differently or misplace the emphasis on something, your friends will laugh and repeat what you said a million times until you learn to never do it again. ‘Bath’. ‘Butty’. ‘Fries’. ‘Wee’. The memories still haunt you.

9. If you hear someone with an accent like yours, they’ll immediately feel like a long-lost friend – even if you just walked past them talking on the street.

10. Tbh, you’ll even get excited when you hear accents that aren’t the same as yours, but you know are from somewhere nearby.

11. People will get into long conversations about whether or not you have a strong accent. 50% of people will think you do, 50% will think you don’t. You will have zero opinions on this.

12. When you go home, 50% of people will say you sound the same and 50% will say you sound completely different. You will have zero opinions on this, too.

13. You will wonder why anyone cares about your accent. Surely it isn’t the most interesting thing about you. You can roller skate. You can sing the alphabet backwards. You know the monarchy’s entire family tree!

14. But the minute you meet someone with an accent you don’t recognise, you tilt your head to the side and ask, “Oh, is that an Icelandic accent I hear?”.

@LilyPesch

Image: Getty

Every. Single. Time. RIP, best white towel.

1. I really cba to shower.

2. Fine I’ll shower.

3. I am never leaving the shower. I am at one with the water.

4. Where’s my shaver?

5. Over the other side of the bathroom. Of course it is.

*gingerly gets out of shower and leans to grab razor, nearly slipping and making the bath sound like it’s farting, you know the one*

6. La, la, la, this is easy, I can barely feel the blade on my legs.

7. Why are the hairs under my arm so much thicker?

8. What is the meaning of life? Why are we here? What am I doing on this planet..?

9. I love showers.

*looks down *

10. GOOD GOD.

11. Where did all this blood come from?! Who’s the culprit? SHOW YOURSELF.

12. Oh, my ankle, obviously. Not my uterus. Ankle.

13. That cut is TINY. I didn’t even FEEL IT.

14. I didn’t know there was so much blood in my ankle, isn’t it just bone?

15. This is ridiculous. Stop bleeding.

16. I’m never shaving my ankles again. They weren’t even hairy. I just like the thrill.

17. WHY ARE YOU STILL BLEEDING.

“Muuuuuuuuum…”

18. I’m going to be trapped here forever.

“MUUUUUUUUUUUUM…”

19. I’m bleeding out, aren’t I? I’m dying.

“MUUUUU- can I have a plaster, please? And can you pass me some towels? And get me some spinach, I need my iron levels back up.”

20. This plaster won’t stick, my skin’s wet.

21. Sorry Mum, I need to sacrifice this new white towel. RIP white towel, 2017-2017.

22. I can’t wait for cut to scab over. Picky pick pick.

*gets out and dries*

23. FFS I FORGOT TO SHAVE MY KNEES.

@louisejonesetc

Ah, love. It’s a tricky bastard. Love means a million different things to a million different people, and sometimes it’s hard to tell if what you’re feeling is true love, intense like, a raging crush or just the first twinges of indigestion.

But sometimes, you just know. Shakespeare had his summer’s day, Jane Austen had her country dances… and we have the moment you decide to share your Netflix password. Here are some 2017 signs that you’re probably, definitely, in love.

1. You let them take the stamp for your coffee on their loyalty card.

2. You actually put your phone down when they talk to you.

3. You offer them the last slice of pizza.

4. …then they say, ‘No, you have it.’

5. You agree to see La La Land for a second time, even though musicals make you want to punch things.

6. Even Snapchat knows you’re together and puts two pink hearts next to their name.

7. You can share a tent at a festival in August for a whole four days and still be speaking to them at the end.

8. They let you practice everything you learned from Dr Pimple Popper on their chin.

9. You’ve felt a strange and overwhelming urge to give them your wifi code.

10. There are more strips of adorable photobooth pictures in your purse than actual cards or money.

11. Every meme they tag you in actually makes you laugh, not just like to be polite.

12. You have Instagram notifications turned on for them, even if they’re a six-nearly-identical-blurry-selfies-at-once person. Even then.

13. They are the very first person you WhatsApp “SNOW!!!!! ❄️☃️❄️☃️” to when it snows.

14. And sad faces to when it turns to rain three minutes later.

15. You know their exact Starbucks order, and recite it faithfully even when it’s embarrassingly long.

16. You look at them the way everyone looks at Beyoncé.

Image: Getty

Wake up and smell the JOY, everybody. These are the happiest smells in the world, according to us. 

1. Freshly cut grass.

2. Waffles*.

3. Birthday cake candles.

4. Old bookshops.

5. The bakery section of the supermarket, specifically when the maple pecan twists are still warm.

6. A newborn baby’s head.

7. Baby lotion (easier than having the baby).

8. Toast. Why does toast smell so delicious? Nobody knows.

9. Really cold, crisp, frosty winter mornings.

10. The coffee you buy to warm your hands up on the cold, crisp, frosty morning.

11. The old school radiator you eventually warm up your arse against on the cold, crisp, frosty morning.

12. New carpets.

13. The first sun cream application of the year.

14. Candyfloss at a funfair. But pre-waltzers only. 

15. Whatever fancy stuff your hairdresser mists over you at the end of a haircut, then tries to get you to buy as though perhaps you are a secret Jenner. Nice try, lady.

16. The faint whiff of your mum’s perfume on a jumper while you’re secretly homesick on a school residential holiday.

17. Cinnamon buns. Obviously.

18. Bonfire night.

19. The first (successful) barbecue of summer.

20. Frying bacon on a Saturday morning. Or any morning.

21. Um, the vegetarian equivalent of bacon. Frying tofu? Sure. 

22. The distinctly nostalgic blend of PVA glue, poster paint, disinfectant and pencil sharpenings that fragrances every primary school ever.

23. Beyoncé. We imagine. 

*Of course, it is the law that they must always smell at least 30% better than they actually taste. The law.

 

Image: Manjit Thapp