The life of a celeb seems so glam, with their shiny hair and their flawless eyebrows. But it turns out your period doesn’t care if you’re starring alongside Chris Pratt as his love interest or if you’re blasting off into space. Like an inconsiderate house guest, it’ll show up and ruin another pair of pants no matter what.

Here are some of our favourite leading ladies talking about their periods.

Tina Fey, confirming we’re not the only ones who once thought our periods would look like raspberry Slush Puppy.

“I was ten years old. I had noticed something was weird earlier in the day but I knew from commercials that one’s menstrual period was a blue liquid that you poured like laundry detergent onto maxi pads to test their absorbency. This wasn’t blue, so… I ignored it for a few hours. When we got home I pulled my mom aside to ask if it was weird I was bleeding in my underpants. She was very sympathetic but also a little baffled. Her eyes said, ‘Dummy didn’t you read How Shall I Tell My Daughter?’ I had read it but nowhere in the pamphlet did anyone say that your period was NOT a blue liquid. At that moment two things became clear to me. I was now technically a woman and I would never be a doctor.”

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Mindy Kaling is a fan of method acting. At least when it comes to her uterus.

“I started menstruating in ninth grade. I spent all of eighth grade faking that I had my period, down to sticking Kotex in my underwear in case anyone needed proof.”

Astronaut Sally Ride, the first American woman in space, teaching male engineers the difference between a period and a waterfall.

“I remember the engineers trying to decide how many tampons should fly on a one-week flight; they asked, ‘Is 100 the right number?’ ‘No. That would not be the right number.’ They said, ‘Well, we want to be safe.’ I said, ‘Well, you can cut that in half with no problem at all.”

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Chrissy Teigen knows there’s a legitimate reason you ate your brother’s Snickers

“How long before your period do you get to start blaming your period for things? I say six days is reasonable, 10 is a ballsy stretch.”

Kate Winslet on filming Titanic with a different kind of sinking feeling

“There were days when you’d just think, ‘Oh, my God, I’ve got my period and I can’t get in that freezing-cold water today.’ … I remember standing up and saying to everyone, ‘Listen, if it suddenly looks like Jaws the movie, it’s my fault.'”

Jennifer Lawrence reminding us once again why we love her

“That was my plan-B dress. Plan-A was a dress that I couldn’t wear because awards season is synced with my menstrual cycle, and it has been for years … The other dress was really tight, and I’m not going to suck in my uterus. I don’t have to do that.”

Actress Fay Ripley, on why your first period can seem like a cereal drama

“Basically, I thought it was because I had eaten Coco Pops for my breakfast, and it had come out of my body. I ran downstairs crying and everyone said ‘what’s wrong?’ and I said ‘my cereal’s come out in my pants!’. To be honest I’ve never been able to eat Coco Pops since.”

Miley Cyrus, on starting her period while filming Hannah Montana. And wearing white trousers

“It was so embarrassing, but I couldn’t leave. And I was crying, begging my mom, ‘You’re going to have to put the tampon in. I have to be on set.”

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Comedian and presenter Jo Brand, making us all stop and think about how efficient a one-time-only period would be

“When I was about 11 I went to school one day and they explained to us all about periods…. I went home and said to my mum, ‘well they’ve told us all about it, and the only thing I’m happy about is that you only have one.’ And my mum said to me, ‘I think you’ve misunderstood, actually you have them every month until you’re in your fifties.’ I was devastated.”

 Demi Lovato, with a brand new reason we all deserve presents

“I told my mom and my sister … and they actually embarrassed me so bad. My sister folded a poster board in half and made a card out of it and drew pictures, and it said, ‘Happy Period Day!’ She drew stick figures and kisses, and she used red markers … I have a pretty good sense of humour, so on one hand, I was totally embarrassed, and on the other, I thought it was awesome.”

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1. Like a tiny man is busking in your uterus and has fashioned your fallopian tubes into guitar strings, so he can gently pluck them… constantly. Day and night. The same tunes, again and again.

2. Like someone’s replacing the cheese on their spag bol for your uterus and is ferociously grating it with all the strength they have because WHY NOT, EH.

3. Like some douchebag has snuck up on you and punched your uterus hard square in the face, then run away with plans to come back in approx. 10 minutes and do it again.

4. Like your P.E. teacher has decided that today’s dodgeball session will take place in your uterus and the whole school is playing.

5. Like an overenthusiastic orchestra conductor has mistaken your uterus for the Royal Albert Hall, is waving his arms incredibly dramatically, causing an absolute ruckus and EVERYTHING IS JUST A BIT TOO MUCH.

6. Like your uterus has gained actual sentience and is trying to claw its way out of your body for the great escape to freedom.

7. Like the douchebag from earlier has come back and given your fanny a bruised black eye. THROBBING. WHY THE THROBBING FANNY?!

8. Like it’s raining and the kids next door have decided to play Swingball in your uterus (instead of spending hours on YouTube like normal kids).

9. Like someone’s wringing out your uterus like a flannel.

10. Like your nan’s tied your fallopian tubes into a pretty little bow for her cat.

11. Like a Brownie group are camping in your uterus but have had too much sugar on their first night away from their families and are screaming, ‘KOOKABURRA SITS IN THE OLD GUM TREE’ while running around playing Tag and you’re just weeping.

12. Like your uterus is about to do a bungee jump and is shaking with nerves so much it might actually fall out.

13. Like someone is using your ovaries as stress balls.

14. Like you’ve got those really weird pins and needles in your foot where it’s super numb but if you try and move it a fraction then it suddenly vibrates and feels SO WEIRD.

No?? Just me?

Oh. 

@louisejonesetc

Image: Hailey Hamilton